Walking down to a path where no one knows

The final countdown

2008-11-05T10:26:00.002+11:00

Its been 3 months since i last updated? LOL, its been a while to be honest. A lot of thing had happened? Nah, nothing much. Just im failing my ass now. All this shit must happen in my finals doesnt it? What the fuck la...i got to do well for my finals...for me to grad...tolong la...tak mau extend ar...hahaha

Well, what have i been up to for the past 3 months? Nothing much except studies and stuff. Studies not so much..lol...somehow i didnt do as well as i hope compare to my last semester...i guess its because its ur lsat semester and stuff i think...aihz, no worries abt chick though...no problems no nothing :D but i have to say, im so sorry for this break guys...ill be bringing home one friend of mine and i will try my best to make it as though she isnt there...haha..kesian la, shashi and aaron coming back just to see us...but then again, she going is kind of one in a lifetime kind of thing...kinda lucky that the girl i had feelings for before this didnt go to this trip as well..

back to that story, yeah i moved on. But i dont think i have move on 100% yet, dont know why. I just cant bear myself watching them together. Ill jsut walk away or do something else. Is that normal? I never know cuz i never be this close to someone who i got rejected. I still say thes ame thing before this. Liking someone will always affect the relationship between two friends. Jason told me to walk away ages ago to save some pride. I did that, but she was very hesistant and one day i just crumble down upon request. Then all the same shit happens agian. Taking me for granted etc. Ive decided this final time. Im starting new one without her painting the picture this time. My new life will start in exactly one month from now provide ill grad *cross fingers*

i realise soemthing before this i feel like writting a lot but now too lazy.LOL...anywya tata got to study.cheers.

good morning sydneysiders

2008-08-02T08:33:00.002+10:00

Good morning readers =) ceh, as though my blog will be read by people :P

its been a while since I updated my blog properly. I realised one thing. Most of the time, my blog is a little bit depressed. LOL. Maybe its just a place for me to rant my thoughts sometimes I guess.

Anyhow, where should I update first. Hmmm, studies? This sem would be a bitch i swear. Audit, Accounting theory, Mergers and acquisitions,trade and dealings...ALL IS READING. FUCK. How to survive la...somemore sure bosan...zzzz...aiya...btw, sent an application towards PWC for taxation department...all hopefully goes well. Cross fingers. Its been weird while applying for jobs that ill know ill stuck the rest of my life with. I cant never see me as a working person. Never think that im mature enough i guess. How could you ever picture yourself working as an adult? I remember the days when there is care-free lifestyle that I always had. When I was 3, went up to Genting and got car sick. Vommited at my ownself and for the rest of the journey, I was topless. Who would ever think that this kid, this specifically kid would had an amazing journey in his life.

I learn a lot my time here in Sydney. Ive grown up, matured, and see things in a lot of perspective. All this is done outside academic learning. All i can say is i became more experienced. I learn how to survive on my own during first year. Learn that im not ready for a serious relationship yet as I cant bear the consequences of getting hurt badly during my second year. Third year? Learn that I could do well in Uni after all. Haha. Most importantly I learn the ability of surviving. First year wasnt as easy going as i thought it was. I sunk instead of swimming. I went to a place where I dont know anyone and opt for a uni where i had my sister to be with me. Going to uni, oh how much i hated it. Eating all alone, going to classes all alone, had no friends. Tried to make friends and I did, but wasnt true friends where they could help you out. Uni was over-rated. Wasnt as much fun as i did have during my foundation days. Maybe i expected more but i should know better. Friends that i have during foundation was once in a lifetime kind of friends. I hated uni a lot. But how things change. I learn how to adapt, make friends and learn that how someone could back stab you. Not everyone is nice =) I learn as well that how someone could really take your heart out , rip it hard, crushed it right in front of you. I lost my soul for once. I didnt see things clearly. I lost the will of living. Lets not go there shall we =)

In essence, i learn a lot while im here. And its going to be sad that im leaving. But knowing that i would be in the arms of my family again, seeing their faces its just too damn good to resist. Now, all what is left is for me to do well, and hopefully, Ill get what i deserved and hoping for a job interview and ome back msia working pwc is like a dream come true.LOL

Its been the best holidays ever,.....

2008-07-30T08:47:00.002+10:00

First of all, after reading previous post, wow, im sure kau kau down...haha...all is good =) I moved on properly during the winter break...gosh, spending time with my best friends and playing soccer and futsal is the best....sad a bit la, got third and semi's...semi's for futsal got injured so kena sit out...i langgar my shoulder to the post during the big field, then during futsal, kena slide by this melbourne guy...then cant play di...oh well

regarding the last post, i did shoot in the last few seconds and the basket entered :D
my result for last sem was good...thank god, work hard pays off....but regret that im only scoring in my final year..haha...oh well... just feel like a qucik update...got to go class...tata

I guess its really over.

2008-06-25T17:23:00.002+10:00

I should be studying right now but i cant really be bothered to. Last paper, last paper dammit. My future lies here, right now, will all the hopes and dreams. Its like with o.5 seconds left, 2 points down, i make a 3 pointer right at the buzzer. Its every moment dream moment. Here, with 0.5 when i made a 3 pointer shoot, would it enter? Will all the dreams that lies right in front of be would be realised? Or miss and all hopes are dashed as everything else since right beginning of my life. I could have practiced more making 3 pointer thus its essential. Here i am, cant be bothered just because of some stupid things. Its keep my mind of things. I realised this occur during the mid semester of this subject and now the final i cant even concerntrate as well? Wtf man. I did alright but i could have gotten a Disntintion for it. But i wasnt at my 100%. When would i be able to be at 100%? So what if im distacted or what not. Good and proffesioanal people could do it despite of all the problems. God damn it, when will i be mature enough? Huh, its over so? Get over it. So what? So what huh? SO WHAT? Why should i be down and out? I know the truth and so many others. I could do much better but why it still god damn hurts? I just cant bare it. All i need is time i guess but time is not that somehting that have right now. I do have time after tomorrow but not now. Not now. Im just expressing whatever im feeling right now to make me feel much better and for me to study. Dont worry much friends, =)

and im picking up the pieces all these putting my heart back together, cuz im over you

If i stayed, I only be in your way....

2008-06-12T09:36:00.002+10:00

All of the days, out of all of the moments, why must it be now? Huh? Ive spent the whole day with you, knowing well that hey, I'm getting somewhere here. Slowly, I would begin accept the friends zone. I was being comfortable with being just friends. Slowly. But, why this shit must happen now? I knew it would happen after exams,but at least I have time to be able to accept 100%. I could run away, being with my best friends, enjoying the time of our lives. I will not think of us at all. I will not get hurt by seeing you with him, holding hands, cuddling or whatsoever. Know, those thoughts are just keep rambling in my mind every single time. Whenever im about to go to sleep, showering or even eating. For me to run away from reality is for me to study. Thats the only thing that keep my mind of things. Ive got no one else to turn to now. I cant express the feeling that im feeling to anyone. All my best friends are having exams and its pretty selfish to ask them to spent some extra time talking to me. Comforting me or whatsoever.

It sucks big time. Me falling for her. Its been wrong for me right from the start. I didnt pursue it in the first place,so why should I be feeling this way? I only wish that I was pure ABC, born here, stayed here, then I might have a shot. I knew it. That is what killing me the most. You know if only this would happen, she would be in your hands right now. But im not. You were a above me right from the start. I wished I would have never fall for you. Life would be easier than that.

There is only one thing left for me. Time for me to leave slowly. I cant see them together right now. I know, if i stayed, i would be only be your way. So i'll go, but I know i think of you every step the way. Bittersweet memories, is only what im taking with me. I had a few good memories with you. The night where we just talked till in the morning, the talked we had outside the lecturers room, the talked we had when we were in the library, the night of your bday. The talked we had about us. The night where you cried just because of me. Those were the sweetest memories. I was touched. I appreciated it. For once, i felt as though, i was being appreciated so much. No one ever cried because of me. I know that I mean a lot to you. But I cant stay. I would only be hurting you or even myself. So please dont cry like you did last time. Its only hurting the both of us. So please understand. Please.

I hope life treat you kind and i hope that you have all you dreamed of. You deserved it. You were always ambitious, nice, kind and a model person of anyone. You were the one that above all of this before. You deserved a great guy. I wish you joy and happiness and above all of this, I wished you love. You just deserved it. Its a pity that we could never work out. Its been great, but fate has other plans for me.

Another rejection

2008-06-04T18:34:00.002+10:00

Its been a while since i blog. Not surprised to be honest. Couldnt be bothered. Aih. A lot of things had happen since then. Lets start off with relationship shall we? Hmm, well i realised i havent moved on around week 12ish. I realised by the fact that I keep seeking her attention and if i dont,ill get upset. Its selfish,I noe but thats just how it is. I tried hard not to affect me, tried to move on cuz its not fair for her. We're closed friends and most of the time, it would lead to rejection. So why would I be pondering on, hoping and dreaming to hold her close, to have her around my arms,to be there for her happiness or sadness,for me to be happy for once. I just cant find happiness now. The thing is, we could never work out. Its sad but its true. She would never see the way i see her. She would always see me as her brother. Everyone does. It is just suck. Anyways, she did find out about my feelings and things did screwed up for a bit. We talked abt it, to clear things up. Yeap, we're still friends. To be honest, it did kills me. How could you not when you could know that you could bring her happiness, you could give everything that she ever wanted but u cant. She deserves a great guy, someone who is better than me. Who are you trying to kid. She was out of my league from day one. Jason knows it. The thing is I really wanted her. No one could ever want her more than I ever wanted. Im willing to swim 7 seas if that what it takes to get her. I would have stayed back in sydney, just for her. But it could never happen. Why i must keep falling the wrong one? Argh!! I really really like her, she has everything that i want. She is a perfect gf. And its kills me by not having her. She was the best before all the girls that I liked. And now, the worse part is yet to come. The fact that she is going to be in someone else guy's arm, would kill me. Its hard for me to move on, but i have to. I wish i was somebody else sometimes.

Its been four years...

2008-04-26T21:04:00.002+10:00

The love that once was born can not die
For it has become part of us, of our life

Dear Ama,

Four years has passed, to this very day, that you left us for good. How time passes quickly. I will not remembered it for the fact that it was my friends birthday and you left us on the same day. I remembered the night of 25th, when i was thinking to myself to wish my friend a happy birthday. I went to sleep early, without any worries. But mum woke me up and i thought it was time for school. But when I saw my watch its only 1 am in the morning and I was wondering what happen. Those words still tingling my mind till this very day. " tonight is the night, Ama is getting worse, we're going to the hospital". Knowing this, I jump straight out from my bed putting some clothes and went straight to the car, waiting restlessly. The fact that Ive lost all of my other grandparents and she is my favorite of all, I couldnt bare the thought of losing her. Once Im arrived in the hospital, we could really really see that she is getting worse. The nurses was saying that tonight would be the night. We were waiting for other families members to come. Im standing there, seeing her in a lot of pain. I cant stand it. We were just keep looking at her while she is getting weaker and weaker by the second. We knew that we are about to lose her thus saying goodbyes personally. This was the first time i saw my dad cried. The macho and the strong person that he is, he is human after all. Losing a person that who made the way you are, its tough. I was there crying helplessly as well. Im the last one who said goodbye and kiss her forehead for the last time. I kiss the same exact way she used to kiss me when I was a young child. She had sacrificed alot for me. She used to bring me to kindergarden following me just to make sure that I dont get scared and will leave once im alright. She did so many countless times. I couldnt communicate well with her. She could only speak canto and i couldnt. I hated it. But our love for each other beats that barrier. I would have wish I could communicate well with her. THere are so many things that i couldnt tell her.

Being the only son in the family as well, i was her favorite grandchildren. She would always give whatever i want. God, i miss her a lot. A hug from her every weekend, and just saying Ama, gosh, its just priceless. I know ur up there doing well grandma and I know ure proud of me as well. I know that im not doing the best i can, but i know that ull be happy anyways. I know that how proud you were of pa, and i know that i should be like him, but i dont have the extra drive like pa. I guess, his success is based on ur happiness. The sacrifice you made. Because of you, Pa is the way he is right now, and im the way i am. Finishing uni this year, hopefully. By the time i knew it, ill be working. How time flies. Gosh, i miss you a lot ama. Sorry for being the way i was back then. I should have been a better grandson. BUt now it would just be too late.

An emotional morning

2008-04-20T08:23:00.002+10:00

Everyone is an explorer. How could you possibly live your life looking at a door and not open it? --Robert D. Ballard

Life is not great at the moment. A lot of things are in my mind right now. A death of someone closed, screwed up for both exam and falling for someone even though no matter how hard you try not to. Have you ever felt like, you knew better, and your brains sees the logic but another part of you says another? I was doing well before this happens. I had like finance exam and i got 24 out of 30 for that. 80%, nice work man. But, everything just blew up like a volcano. One thing leads to another. 1st was the feelings which made me felt uneasy. Then, there was the exam which I studied HARD for it. I screwed it up just because of one reason. I just didnt read the question careful enough. Argh, careless idiot. Thankfully, its only 15% and i know i wont fail it, but just consider the amount i put in it, I at least deserve a D for it, AT LEAST. THen there was the 5% quiz which i did it simply cuz the fact that I couldnt care less. I got 2%. Failing grade. Sigh, i admitted that I underestimate this quiz plus i wasnt careful enough. After that, i heard someone close to me past away. Omg, im a at the age where death suppose to be a common thing? Am I? Im not ready to face those emotions right now. I have just got too many things for me to do. I want to do well in final year, but so many things are happening right now. I tried hard to shut it down, focus for studies, and i managed to do so. But i know im not at my 100%. Im just only 70%

I Just feel like screaming...I hate this. I knew better thus thats why im doing this and maybe the reason im feeling this way is because im letting it go. A part of me is happy but a small part of me isnt. One goal and one goal only. To get through uni and do well in it. Come on. I can do it. And yet at the same time, pondering what could happen....

Missing home more than ever

2008-03-05T13:41:00.003+11:00

Im in uni now. Too bored thus feels like updating my blog. Lol. How desperate i could be? Anyway, I feel like crap now. Missing home than ever. With friends i felt belong the most. Laughing at all those lame jokes made by gl and shashi, playing big 2 with them at al-safar, playing poker at gl's house, those good ol session. God, i miss them a lot. Well, the main reason why im feeling this way cuz I thought im gonna hang in uni with my friends thus bringing my friend's text book as well. Instead, im stuck with 3 people who i dont even know, calling and messaging my friend but still no reply, wondering where the hell she is. Then she appear with some other friends and just pick up the books and left just like that. Sometimes, i felt im too kind. Could have just asked her to come by place to pick up but i thought we could hang while passing the book to her. Instead, im stuck alone with the people that i dont even know. Sometimes, people really knows how to take advantage of you or maybe im just being to nice. Urgh.

she used to be the sweetest girl

2008-03-02T13:14:00.002+11:00

First of all, my previous post, i deleted not because of any controversy or anything. I realised that it was so poor written. It was so long winded and couldn't point out what I'm trying to say. When i have time, i would re-write it so that i could point out my points.

Anyways, I've been back for a while now. A week plus. Shifted places. Time consuming man. Plus, a lot of stuff are missing. WTF? Damn, dont know where the stuff went to. Sigh. Got to buy new stuff. The worse was my uni bag that went missing with my pencil case as well. Tertinggal kat malaysia. Never thought i brought it back. Wonder why. Thought i put in those box. Sigh, now got to wait for my mum to post it back. THe worse was is that i lost my clothes. I used to have damn a lot but now is damn little. Too many winter jackets. Damn. Sigh. Anyways, now im settling in. Everything is alright but one thing is i still miss home. Malaysia. ITS too hard staying here!!! LOL

Since i got back, i meet my old friends and the person i last wanted to see. You know who...LOL...gosh, she has changed a lot. From the person that i knew, she has totally completely changed 100%. She now those Gothic chicks that you see on the streets. Everything black. Black lipstick, black clothes black eyelashes, every thing's black. Plus, she smokes now. Not against smoking anything * pointing finger at gan leong* but still i don't really like smokers. The thing is, seeing her reminds me of what i could have been. I totally got it the reason why she has changed. Simple, she got no one to turn to. When i was drown in sadness, i had my best friends to help me to stand and slowly pick up those millions of shattered pieces of broken heart. They would show the way and guide me there. She, she had no one. She is lost all by her own. Thus, the reasons to pick up smoking, dress the way she is, became wilder and colder. I could have became like her. During those killing moments, i felt like drinking, smoking and everything to erase the painful feeling that been stabbing me deep inside. But, i was strong enough and i had enough supports. It is just painful sad to see her the way she became. And I, felt partially responsible. Just don't know why. But then again, it was her fault chasing out people who cared for her the most. I know its not my fault or could do anything, but i still wonder, would i make a big difference? What if things were different back then? IF, IF, IF, if is a mysterious word isn't it? At the end of the day, the IF's hurts me the most.

Goodbye my good friend

2008-01-12T15:39:00.000+11:00

Evey great story has to come to an end

I was 18 when I first time i saw him. Well, nothing much to say actually. Just another guy from gan leong's gang. The first time i saw him, i never thought that he could end up one of my best friends. We never say much to each other actually. We just a hi and bye kind of friend. But that start to change when I came back for the first time from Australia. He was always there; me, gan leong and shashi always together. It started from futsal and somehow from there things to get lift off. We were a group. We do things everything together. I was his financial adviser. ;) Haha...I celebrated his 18th bday on my last day in malaysia. He sent me off the next day and i left malaysia with a heavy heart. I really had enjoyed spending time with gan leong and shashi. I was looking forward everytime to come back malaysia cause ill know, im in the arms of the funniest people you could meet. But i never expected shit happens the next time i come back to malaysia. I was deeply heartbroken and was totaly destroyed. I was broken into a million of pieces. When i found out, i didnt cry or anything. I was just stun. But when actually i told shashi and gan leong on msn, i just burst into tears. I guess, thats how much this two guys are important to me. And that moment, i knew i wanted to go back malaysia to face the world again. I was back in arms of parents but most importantly that i was back to the people tat i belong the most, which is shashi and gan leong where they did change my points of view and could see the funny side of life. I thought that i would never seen sun shining down on me soon but i was wrong. They did with ease. They help me move on 200% faster. Amazing it only took me a month to move on instead of last time where it was nearly 3 months. They took those million pieces and glued one by one. I came back australia with a heavy heart knowning that the two people that made life fun wont be there anymore. At my side, but at least, i could face her again and could face the world.

I realise that i never say thank you to you for helping me back when i was down. You help me to move on quickly. To me,every cent spending money and time with you was worth it. What is money? Money could be find anywhere but true friends like you, its priceless. Its one of a rarest things in life. I will say it proudy, you are a true friend. Whoever the people that meet you in us, they will feel lucky. Now, with youre gone, there isnt much reason for me to go back to malaysia. With you and gl gone, there isnt any reason. I once never wanted to leave sydney. But how correct the decision was. Any chicks will always bellow you man. Bro's over hoes. I will miss you greatly. Have a safe flight my good ol friend. Hope to see you soon. And i will promised you one day, ill come to us and visit u. Is a promise. See you soon shashi. Till then, goodbye JOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! :D

2007 year in review

2008-01-07T19:57:00.000+11:00

Well, i know that it has been a week since the past new year. I wanted to write earlier but couldnt find any time to do so. Yeah right, procrastinating more like it. Anyways year in review time. Overall 2007 was a very meaningful in a different way. It wasn't a very good year. Deep wounds were cut, friends back stab me and so many on. Well lets start with the most obvious one, girls. LOL. I learn a lot this year. I mean a lot. I grew up and gain many views and became more mature in relationship. I learned from my past mistakes and discover many new ones. I learned how to be patient, strong and most of all, forgiveness. Yes, forgiveness. She had all i wanted all my life, and still to this very day, i could say she is the one. How could you say not when you know everything about her. Whats she is thinking about, what she likes, when she is lying or when she is sad. She could never hid anything from me. I could just see it in her eyes. I discover that eyes is the one of the most powerful weapons. You could read someone feelings by just the eyes. The eyes cant lie. Its sad that it had to end that way but i believe in this world, there is the ratio 3 girls for every one guy. One gone.2 to go. Anyways, during this time, i learn who is my best friend too. To the person who gave me eyes and legs when i coudlnt see and walk on my own, hana and wafi. THey were there making me sure that im alright. I seriously wouldnt know what im gonna do if they are not there. Simple things yet they could comfort me and gave me advices and confidence that i needed. No one else gave me. I would have failed all the subjects if not for them. Then came back to malaysia during winter to move on completely from her. I came back to the arms of gan leong and shashi. These 2 jokers really could show the good side of life. And yes, there is aaron as well. And even now, im having fun with them. We could laugh till there is no tomorrow. God knows what im gonna do after shashi leaving. Then there is only me and gan leong. Kinda sad but oh well, going back to sydney not long after that anyways. I could see the faces of peeps there. Gosh, how i miss them a lot.

Then there is friends. Hmm...every time i remembered my x futsal team. Entered a tournament there, and they thought i was playing unwillingly and end up fighting. I knew who were my friends and who were not. It was one of the most eventful ever. But it end up a good way. Got choosen for the uni team but before could play any matches, end up with a hairline fracture right at back of the knee. It was one of the proudest moment when i was called to go for 1st training but i guess it end up the best way. I know im good enough for the team but my physical doesnt allow me to do so. Coach says that i need to lose weight first then he consider again this year. Hmm, see how it goes. But their training is a tough one. Futsal suppose to be fun but the way they play it i couldnt see any fun in it. thats why im thinking carefully now. Plus i got to balance it with friends and studies. Is kinda hard.

Overall, 2007 was a good one in terms of experience. Experience shows maturity. I will remember the date 8th of june. It was on friday and it was at 10.45 pm night. A called from diana mastura. Ahhh...wonder what it could be...

its too late to apologize

2007-12-19T01:26:00.000+11:00

Then you go and cut me down, but wait, You tell me that you're sorry

Its been exact 6 months since i said goodbye to you and fate has brought us together again. Out of all places and odds, its fate that made me see you again today. I waited for this day to come since that dreadful day i said goodbye to you. However, when the time comes, i choke. My voice just left me there all alone. Words arent coming out from my mouth. But, there is no point of apologizing. Sorry doesnt make the past disappear or erase the pain that you made me go through for that period. We had a lot of good times together, but yet its fate that destroy us at the same time. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. No point of saying sorry. Its too late to apologize.

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

The grass will always be greener on this side.

2007-10-25T00:47:00.000+10:00

For 2 years, ive been suffering. 2 years. 2 god damn long years. Regretting that i went to University of Sydney and not Australia National University. I regret for not going with my instinct which keep telling me that my destiny is in ANU. Instead, i went with other people's instinct which was most of it from my dad forcing as he has the resources thus control over my future. He says that you wont be learning anything if u go to anu. You'll be in your comfort zone. I'll just would be depending on them. With a heavy heart i went to sydney. One of the top rated places in the world. Entering a uni top 25 in the whole world.

For 2 years, i hated uni. For 2 years I hated every bit. For 2 years I had no one that was closed to me like wafi and hana. People to hang out with. People to share my sadness and joy with. I never ate alone in kdu and which turn out to be a daily routine in my uni life. How much change it has been. From to one of the most out going person in the group to someone that people barely know. I have been pull to a lower level. I felt lonely. I felt as though i had no one around me even though there are tons of people. I was devastated even more when i realise that anu the place that i wanted to go was even friendlier environment. I like it there. I love it there. I regret not going to anu as there is a lot of nice people there that i could click with instead of none in sydney.

For 2 years, after 2 years, 2 long years, after a heartbreak, friends turn back on me, I chased out my own housemate, argued with a lot of people, involve with a girl whose was pregnant by my own friend, i finally can say, i finally,finally finally can say, Im happy. I am. I finally found a group where i can hang around with. Where i felt im closest. I tell you honestly, it isnt easy to be where i am now. But, i did it, getting out of my comfort zone and be where i am suppose to be. I finally has a sense of belonging. Thanks to people who made my life where i am now. Im finally at the place where i am suppose to be.

Hey dad, look at me, did i grow up according to plan?

2007-10-09T15:36:00.000+10:00

I havent really blog regarding my birthday. Well, it was sad since was busy with assignments and uni stuff. I did at one point get really really really tired of uni. Just felt like take the books and burn. But, of course i didnt. Anyway, i had my 20th. So what have i done in this 2 decades of my life. I realsie there isnt anything that my parents could be proud of me. I just dont know. Im not the most talented student, not a very good sportsman, i cant sing and what not. Its even more frustrating that i have this ability but i dont maximise it. I know i have a gift. A gift from my parents. I know im smart. I do. I am. But, somehow it just doesnt know. I know it requries hardwork as well but i am and it just doesnt show. Im at a point where i could say i gave up. Im just going with the flow. Work hard and if doesnt produce result then too bad. Maybe i am not cut out for acedemic.

But, it really really hurts when you disappointed your dad. Im not literally but i know he expects more from me. Im not perfect and i could see his other friends children doing well in studies and i am just average. It just kills me. Where did i go wrong? Did i grow up as plan? I know he expects me to be like himself. He sees me as himself , younger version. I remember that he said, roy, you are like me. You are going to be a somebody but promise me you work hard k? He told me when i was a kid. Even more, i look up to my dad and told my teacher that I want to be exactly like him. A professor. As smart as him, as funny as him basically his my hero. And I tried hard to make it and try to make you proud of me but a quarter of my life has gone, ive done nothing that my dad could be proud of. It just kills me. It just does. Even worse, i didnt know exactly when im not close to him anymore. Maybe i grew up. Who knows.

Perfect-I'm sorry I cant be perfect, i just try to make you proud

Am i good enough?

2007-09-20T07:10:00.000+10:00

Having received mid semester marks, it just made me depressed. One subject i just pass and another i received 66 over 100. The average was 72. Now it really made me think, where did i go wrong? Ive studied constantly and understood theory but still there isnt any results. I told myself study harder. It is second year and second sem subjects. Nothing comes easy. Now, i dont even know how to study. What made me feel worse than I already did was having friends who went for the big 4 company interview for summer internship, macquire bank as finance internship, Cimb bank which is all leading banks for finance industry in Australia. I feet inferior to them and seriously wondering where did I go wrong? It just kills me as all my friends were all nervous regarding the interview etc, and Im just worrying regarding where am i going to spent my holidays and how to finish my assignments. It really made me think, am I not good enough? My results are obviously extremely inferior compare them but over the long semester, ive seem to be better. Is like I always explain to them during classes and stuff like that, but at the end of the day, I didnt get the marks. I just feel plain dumb. Maybe I am not good enough for Australia here? Now,working here on a permanent basis can just be a dream. I'm not good. Just face it. Why do they wanna hire me when they could have a well-rounded person like them. I really felt inferior first time in my life and what worse was I was suppose to be like them. I was suppose to be in the same league as them. I really really regret all the time wasting i spent when i was in first years. Bah,you idiot. Now, working hard as well doenst seem to pay off. Has it been too late? I think so. But, now just aim to be the best that i can. At the end of the day, I know that I have advantage in Malaysia and Im good enough, but im just a big fish in a small pond. Come to Australia, im just a small fish in a ocean where there are sharks and what not. Ive became the food for the upper food chain.

Im supposed to do my assignments but this is too good to turn down

2007-09-18T00:55:00.000+10:00

(taken by Wharton Academic Journal)

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Its just about the way you look tonight

2007-09-16T08:45:00.000+10:00

Looking across the opera house on a saturday night, something made me realise. That, by this time next year, i would have nearly finished my degree. And would go back for good. The place where ive grown a lot to become a more mature and independent person. Its weird how it all began and how my life has become in living a place called sydney. One of the most trademark place in the world.

I felt it was like yesterday when i first left to australia and leave my dear friends back home. Although i went with my sister, the first night i was alone. And man, i hated it. I hated sydney alot at first. No friends, and was alone. I was in couple of weeks in uni and it was the same. But things get better after that. And now, looking back all the steps that i took, and standing where i am right now, i could say that im proud of what i became. Not uni results wise. Most my friends are local now. Its fun hanging out with them and thinking i wont be spending time them anymore. Oh well, life goes on. I have complained that sydney was overrated and stuff like that, but thinking back, i made a correct decision. Even though there were better places, im still happy that i was in sydney. on the contary , coming back on the 26th nov...yeah

What do i got to do?

2007-09-09T20:39:00.000+10:00

All my life, i have never won anything before. Played in finals yes. Erm, let see. Standard one, got a silver, so does standard 2 and standard 3. Well, those sports were running in some competition. You know, kids stuff. Standard 4 i was in finals in tug of war and lost. The thing was, when we were in a group stages, we beat them and somehow when the thing matters most, we lost. Everyear goes the same way. We keep on losing in the final. Sigh. Then i hope luck changes when im in high school. It didnt. Lost in basketball final when i was form 3, infact, i miss the last basket to tie. It would have been dramatic. Then tug of war again, lost in finals. Aih, then i entered handball. We entered final and again, we lose. Man, it was tight though. Then the winning eleven competition, even though getting second was good, but still i should have won.

Then in uni. I have never won anything. I became 2nd, 3rd and there is few times we didnt even get through gropu stages.And luck wasnt on my side today again. Well, we had competition university of Sydney open. We pass group stages easily but i was quite nervous as there this one match where i was playing agaisnt my friends which won in melbourne last winter. But thank god, made few decent saves and concede last minute. Should have won but aih, last goal couldnt do anything abt it. Then went on quarters, won easily to be honest. 8-1. Last goal i didnt concede as i was resting since we were well lead. But semis was a close one. It was just touch and go. Lost in penalty. Is just sad to see the ball hit post and i should have save one. Its just slip right through my hand. Argh, should have done better. From there onwards, i didnt really care cause we lost. We end up in 3rd. Last match wasnt any point at all.

Actually, if you realise, all the competition that i entered it wasnt anything regarding football until when im in uni. Well, to be honest, i suck playing soccer last time. Was playing last man and was just average. I started become better or became a star when i became keeper. Hehe, i started when i was in sierramas i guess. And from there on, it was just a uphill. I played decent when i started futsal with my peeps back home. But, i really improved when im in sydney. Well, i have to thank my team-mates cause they had improved me a lot. But still, i dont know what do i got to do just to win a tonourment. I just dont have the luck i guess....

Expectation...

2007-08-17T13:40:00.000+10:00

Well,regarding last post,im alright.I guess im used with death. Well,since i exist,Ive lost 2 grandmother,2 grandfather 2 aunties,one uncle and so many more i.e. long lost cousin till i dont even know..Hehe...

Anyways,lets blog something else. Well last weekend i went to canberra just to visit my friends and attend my best friend housewarming. Well,i set a very high expectation my trip there spending time with her. *gasp her? Relax,im not in love or like her. I just fancy her.Haha,nah, i treat her like my sister you know. Someone close. Anyways, i wanted to spend time with her since its been ages since i really did so i went canberra. But it was very disappointed. It is. I didnt spend time with her at all, and im sick at my stomach cause this is not my first time. She keep doing this to me and im just sick of it. When there is someone better, she just totaly ignore you. Aih,and that proves how much i mean to her. Im just someone else,thats all. I guess that explains my disappointment.

On the contrary, i enjoyed my time there. Spending time with my other best friend, getting to know people and played poker wei,aih,damn addicted to it..It was fun. It seriously is. It made me realise that sydney isnt taht fun. Well,cause more people thus less closeness you feel. There since it is a small community, you are closer. Thus they are more open up. Being there reminds me back in msia. My kaki's. Aih, 100 days left till i see them again and some(aaron...lol) next year. Oh well,i enjoyed my time during winter. Just cant wait for summer. 100 days to go..urgh...

Pergi tak kembali lagi.....

2007-08-12T16:40:00.001+10:00

I can't imagine that my 100th post would be regarding something sad. I thought i would write something happy or my trip to Canberra during the weekend. But no, instead the news that ive received just now. Remember the aunt that ive visited in Miri when i was in Malaysia? Well, she just passed away just now, at 12 last night. When i heard the news, its just seem, innallilah i.e. something religious words to be said during someone pass away. I somehow when i heard it i was just like, owh. Am i that heartless? This is my aunt that we talking about. But,now the sadness start to kick in. Maybe im just that way. Anyway, i still cant seem believe it. Its somehow unbelievable.She was just lying there couple of months back recovering from tb. She was alright...Well,i hardly left relatives. Ive lost an aunt back when i was form 3, my grandmother my mum side the same year,3 months and now her. Few only left and raya seems so empty. Somehow there isnt any purpose i guess to celebrate raya. There isnt much family.

I still remember as though it was yesterday,when she was there taking care after me when it was raya. She was a great cook. God,i love her rendang. Now,there isnt any rendang anymore. I guess thats life sometimes. Youll have to die someday. The good thing at least i managed to see her not like my previous aunt. Never take granted of people you love. To end this post, al-fatihah....

Happy birthday Aaron...

2007-08-08T22:29:00.000+10:00

Well, what else i could say? Happy birthday dude. Wish was back in malaysia, could celebrate with you man. Sorry no pics of u though. Just realise it man. No pics of us together. Oh well,anyway enjoy your birthday. Dont get too drunk k? Haha...

On the contrary, university life has been okay. Havent been consistent though. One problem i have to solve is sleeping too early. I always after uni, go back home have dinner and straight after that hit the sack. By 3 or 4 am, i would be awake but too lazy to study. End up sleeping again. I need to straight that out though. A lot of work hasnt been done due to that factor. My tutorials,aih. Just thankful that so far, i still understand what the lecturer are talking about. But, for finance, not really. Have to catch up before it gets too late.

Well beside uni life, there isnt any much goin on. Time passes so peacefully. Different from last semester. I just mind my own business. Well, i met "the girl yesterday" accidentally. My god she look like a bloody whore. Thick lipstick, short skirt etc. U get the gist. I just walk past her as though she wasnt there. Then, memories start flashing. Its alright i guess cause i had finished my classes. Went gym after that. So while exercising, thinking all those time. Aih, oh well, at least im at peace now.

I guess thats all happening in my life. Nothing much goin on. Again, happy bday aaron. Till next time, me signing out.

April to present

2007-08-05T10:35:00.000+10:00

To be honest,i thought deleted this blog for good. Then suddenly,when i wanted to start a new blog,i found out that it wasn't deleted properly. They change the web browser address. Then,i just thought why not continue where i started everything. I had this blog since when i was in Kdu since. Every memories since then it was written here.NO reason why not to continue here since aaron bugging me to start blogging openly again. Since the last event where an entry actually made me lose friends, ive been written in a more privately and i choose to just remain the way it is.

Anyways, let me fill the gap between April till present. So,they found out and they were pissed at me. It was not my intention at all to criticise them openly or what not. Its just my personal reference. Then they were very very pissed at me. They all turned their backs against me and supported my room-mate and insulting me right at my face. I thought they were my friends and they insulting me not knowing definition of friends. Bloody hell, that was the last straw. I told them straight to the face, fine, ill belah. Thanks but no thanks. I just walk off like that. Didnt see them for 3 months till first week of uni. I came back and we could pretend as though nothing happens but still i could feel the differences. We are not as close as last time. Oh well.

That happen in April. From there,it was a bloody roller-coaster ride. My bloody god, it like a god damn drama. Maybe in future, i could made my own movie. When i have sufficient money...LOL...Anyway, is like this. I wrote a post regarding falling for girls. Guess what,i just exactly what ive wanted. Careful what you wish for sometimes. This wish, nearly screws up my life. It has the effects as my average in my uni fell drastically. But,still thank god ive passed. Back to the story,fell for someone who kind of bring backs memories. Well let me describe her. First of all, she is a bastard. Technically due to her father had an affair and she was the effects of that affair. Then,her so called "mum" hated her and keep abusing her as though she was a maid. Not getting loved from neither parents, she seeks loves from a boyfriend. Well,they were a couple since she was 13. Young age, even worse with an older guy. Well,not new there i suppose. But, her morals of pillar,which was supposed to be parents responsibilities in the first place, her so called boyfriend is an asshole. What made me called him that. Easy, he does not let her seeing any other guy, even friends. And what worse, he abuses her as well. Strangling her, slap her, punch her in the stomach right in front of his parents and this is the worse of all, he sleeps with other girls. Zomg, can it get any worse? Thus, from that moment,i fell for her and promised to be the best bf i could for her.

First mission is, to be her bf. SO what i did was i did my best to get her. Used all the tricks in my sleeves. My god,still can't. I tried. That means, being there when she needs me the most. I skip classes for her, missing tutorials for her and what worse was all my assignments i couldn't do properly due to missing her i.e. takde semangat. But still, no effects. Then i found out she has this feelings at my own friend. So i cam,k fine. Ill help her out. I was in so much pain,it was unbearable. I guess it was time for me to go while i still can. But no, something held me back. She begging me not to leave. I tend to have soft spot for the person that i like. I didn't leave her side. It was foolish but it was like a roll-coaster ride. She was sometimes up and most of the time down. I was the one comforting her not that bloody guy. Man, and there was this time where i finally just told her time to move on. I got to study. Been missing too many classes. I was slowly moving on. But then, this news hit me. She called on 8th of june. 2 weeks to exam. I would remember this day. She called me she might be pregnant. I mean wtf? I went to the clinic and my god, she was. No words could describe what ive felt. The girl that all this while u love so much and this happen. I told her this,"Im sorry, i couldnt be there for you now. Ive got to study. Came back home,i just burst out. Don't know why but the pain is overwhelming me. The next 2 weeks was hell. Ive felt numbness all over. I could not feel anything except the feelings of lost. As though i lost my sanity. Just walk without any emotions. I have lost everything. But, with my 2 best friends in canberra, they gave me sight, strength and legs to support me. Slowly, they took me by their arms and slowly give me reason to continue living. Slowly, i regain bit by bit. Exam was right in front of my face. My god. Im dead. Exam just went pass a breeze and i seriously thought i failed. I couldnt be bothered. All i want is to go back msia and be around with people i care most. Family and friends. My god,they were the best medicine anyone could take. Laughter is the best medicine. Hanging out with my futsal gang is just what i need. All those supper,futsal sessions, chow tai ti,my god its just a blast. If u guys reading this, all i could say is thanks man. Gl,shashi,aaron theeban kenneth and the rest. You guys made a fun trip back home a blast. That was my reason for me to go back. Had fun. Thanks. God,sound bloody emo. Oh well, who cares. Thanks man and see u guys in future.

Well, that was till the present. I guess its a wrap. Bloody long post. Oh well,guess ive catch up with my present life. From now on,lets just see what happen.
Walking down to a path where no one knows

The call

2007-04-04T09:16:00.000+10:00

Last night call changed everything. It does. Previously a phone call was made to my mum regarding what to do for easter holidays. My friends decided to go to a road trip to gold coast and i'm considering it thus asking my mum about it. After the call was made, my phone rang while I was reading the newspaper. It was from my housemate. The first sentence that he made, it made me drop my papers and I was concentrating what he said. He said that he doesnt want us to fight thus he is moving out from the house to one of our friends and he ask me that you know that we have a problem dont you. I said yes and ok. Cool. I dont mind. It made me realise that does he knows all this while? That i do have a problem with him. The reason why i dont confront him is because I dont want to hurt his feelings. I thought he doesnt know. Apparently I was wrong as wrong as i can ever be. If i knew i would have confront him about it. The thing is the only problem that i have are he just does not do houseworks. Vacuuming, or washing the toilet, he never did nor touching it. Thats it. But then, he decided to move out instead of solving it between the two of us. Well, fine by me. But i still say it is not the correct way.

The statement that you will only know the real him when you live with him. It seriously does. I had enjoy my time lepaking with him tapi masa dah pindah, lain pulaknya. Anyway i gtg now. Have things to do. Fuzzy signing out.

Housemates and friends

2007-03-26T08:43:00.000+10:00

Have you ever in a position where you would stuck between your self interest and what is best for your friends.Pretty much,who would you want to satisfy.Urself or your friends? All this while i always put my friends ahead of me.Call me foolish,stupid or whatever.I dont care.I am the way i am. Maybe the word selfish was never occur to me.You see, Im not bragging here but 4 teams want me to play keeper futsal for their team.There one where is seriously good all round and my friends.2 options. I really want to win this tourney.Losing is not acceptable. I seriously do want to win. But i realise that my team is not good enough to win.It is never is. I just doesnt want to say out loud but seriously,my team is just not good enough.I do have good players,but there isnt any lack in depth.Example, a player who just doesnt pass and when he does the oppurtanity is gone.Another player is just not good enough. Im not saying im the best keeper that i deserve to be with the best team,but for once,i want to win something.All my life, ive been second for 7 times,semi finalist 3 times,First? None.Nope.Zit.Nada.Sigh,maybe its time i put myself first before the team.Ill do that but i look at the team performance this time around. If it goes wrong,ill blame myself.

On the contrary, my housemate is seriously getting on my nerved. I just god damn dont know how long till i can survive. Another couple of months.God please,i just wish i could move out now.Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its been ages mate

2007-03-22T09:03:00.000+11:00

OMG,its been a month since i last updated.Yeap,pretty lazy me.Well,if i have to say that im busy,im not.I still could play my ps2 yada. Anyway,uni started and its been alright i guess.Its only in week 3 thus havent pick up speed yet. Thankfully, i still understand wats the lecturer says and keep tracking wats goin on. Hopefully,with a little bit of luck and tons of hardwork,im hoping to get an average D this sem.Got to pull my average up.

Thats updates wats goin on with uni,my personal life,nothing much goin on.Well,now i find that staying with frens is hardwork.It is. A lot of compramising need to be done. COmes to housework,there is only one who is doin it.ME.Aih,next time go to stay in uni.A lof easier.Enough on that, next issue love life.LOL. Any updates?Not really.NO. But what i do know is that there isnt anyone attract me the way it used to.IM NOT GAY.No pretty ones.LOL.As what hana said im choosey.Oh well,what to do.But what i do know is there is a girl that perfectly fit what im looking for.But,there isnt any spark.Hmmm,maybe im still not ready for relationship i guess.Not like last time where i just go for it.Oh well,keep my eyes open.

Updates on friends. Its been alright or i might underrated it. Juniors came with is the same age as me and so far,theyre fun to hang out with. Life in uni is just a little bit better with friends.Uni friends?Still failing there. Aussie in sydney uni somehow is arrogant bastards. Yea i noe its like the uni where everyones wants to go in,but could you be a little more friendly.Aih,there goes my new resolution. Maybe my next target is to be frens with locals asian i.e. ABC i.e Australian Born Chinese.A little easier perhaps?

Current dillema.To go to nz in july or goin back msia and goin to UK? I want to go to NZ.I do i do. But parents wants me to go back to go to uk. I dont want to. I dont want to go to UK in the summer.NO football.LOL.Hehe,choosey little fella. Oh well, i prefer NZ i guess.

And to add up,I miss my mummy. ;-(. They came for my sis grad and i miss their cooking. My cooking and my housemate is just sucks. I need my mummy.*sob

Oh well,till then,stay the way ure ar.Cheers

Is about how hard you get hit and keep moving foward

2007-02-20T01:06:00.000+11:00

I was sleeping on my couch just now with my laptop on with my itunes playing any random songs.As i woke up,reaching for my spectacles, this song was playing and i was like,my god,its been over a year since i heard since. This was one of my fav songs back in kdu days.It was introduce by a friend of mine. Somehow this song has it past history which i wish not to reveal.

Thinking back, the whole journey so far, the road that were travel and the road which not, every choice every mistake, it had made be a better person than i was couple years back.It called experience.You see,back in my high school days,it wasnt any special. An all boy school thus not so many socially counters with the opposite sex and it doesnt help with me not active with those interact club or that kind of club.I actually could say i was a prety loser cause clubs that i join was computer club.Wtf?Nerd? So i guess that i was just on my little world that revolve around my circle of friends. Most people, their glory days and treasure days was high school. I can honestly says that wasnt mine.I didnt gain anything. I only start living when i was in kdu. Those were the days. A lot happening within those one year that taught me everything.Friendship becomes brothers, enemies becomes friends. I became more expose with society rather than bb days.

Then,there was sydney. I arrived here when i could have choose to stick with my friends canberra. But i choose not to. I could have but i didnt. At first, the reason was my dad didnt allow me to. And i actually argued with him. I said screwed city life, i rather be with my friends that matter most. But somehow,i made a bold decision that i still regret so far. I went for sydney thinking its time to grow up and be independent.Be at a unfamiliar teritory knowing no one. It started deprssingly. It is. BUt slowly as time passes, i could seperate those who i belong with and who doesnt. People that i felt most confortable with and people who i dont. I could say that most of my close friends are actualy from unsw, not usyd. Guess it doesnt help by me staying around unsw. Yeah, but still i compare with majority that actualy people that fitted me well with my characteristic is actually the unsw people. Im not saying that usyd is bad and i hated there, is alright it just that i dont have a lot of similirities with them. I prefer with unsw people where i felt most confortable with. But goin to second year this year, i dare to give life one more oppurtanities to make my uni life memorable and saying one day,living without any regret.

Alone

2007-01-27T23:04:00.000+11:00

I hate being alone with no one around me.Yes,there is chatting but still i miss hang around with real people who i adore most. God, i just miss being back in msia.Urgh,is just tearing me apart. Tulah,sape suruh tak study kuat2 dulu.Yea but still it would be the same as i would me missing the same group. I did the biggest mistake of my life.I did.I tried to denied so many times and keep telling myself no everything is goin to be ok.I cant do it anymore.I just cant. Is not going to be ok.I should have gone to ANU and i still regret it till today even though it has been over a year. The decision suppose to make me stronger but i never know that this is goin to be damn hard.Is difficult as going to uni as a starnger.No one to talk to.Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate that feeling i really do.Im no longer in groups as i used to now im jsut flying solo.Sigh,till the day that i can look back saying that i was happy in sydney, i would just be in that little corner with a tearing heart.

2007-01-12T11:23:00.000+11:00

Is about time i visit this graveyard...Since the holidays,i was guilty as charge for having writting entries half heartedly...Hehe...Im just lazy cause there are so many other things to do while back in msia.Frens to hang out with,people to visit,places to eat(i freaking gain 4 kg)and definetely ball to keep(i mean futsal lar as i play goalie)Overall,it has been a good period cause catching up with frens although some people i have just managed to see once.Got to say,the highlight of the holiday was futsal,hanging out with my neighbours and going to genting main air terjun.That was definetely cool.Oh yea,i tried shisa as well...(bad boy) But the main suprise was how my parents reacted towards me,they let me go out at night.Damn suprised.I still hope they offer that service everytime i go back.Hehe...

Anyway,now living on the land down under,is been fine. As usual,tutorials fulls with those arrogant people who cant make friends with and people trying to show off that their smart.I get it but u dont need to asnwer every freaking question! But the most annoying thing is got to be this,slept at 3 last night and at freaking 6 o'clock neighbours from top was f*cking hammering something and drilling something.I mean wtf,is 6 am? You bastard.Cant wait like later? So what i did was get my i pod and listen to the max as songs sounds nicer that that hammering sound. There it goes again at least now is 11.Is acceptable but not 6 am u bitch.

Feels like playing ps2,tada~~~

The great number 18

2006-12-26T02:32:00.000+11:00

Every good things must come to an end

Gosh,is nearly time to go back soon to the land down under which means a year has gone.Year review time i guess.Haha,2006 has not been such a great year but its alright. The downpoint was when i fail subjects.That was the most low and the highest must when i got my mid semester result and is a pity that i didnt able to maintain the consistency. Anyway,my holidays spend on hanging out with my futsal gangs.Everytime which involve my neighbours. I enjoy and somehow to be honest, they kind of like very close friends. THats y i hate go back msia cause somehow i used to live nicely and spoil then back to being normal in aus.Sigh,i wish i dont need to go back but again i do miss my gang there. Anyway,feel like sleeping now.Chow

IF i lie here

2006-12-14T22:12:00.000+11:00

I don't quite know How to say How I feel Those three words

Gosh,been busy for the past few days.Well to be exact busy with hanging out with frens until wee hours in the morning.Tell me,have u guys ever go back house at 4 am in the morning for 5 nights in the row?Well i just broke my record.MAjorly first was my frens party then because of football and hanging out with frens.Surprisingly my parents are ok with it.NO major screaming coming out.Haha...but however,i did lose my mom trust last night.To go for 6 nights in the row is too much i guess.Futher more i didnt bring my keys thus need to press the bell at 4 am?Wtf you think i dumb? Better stay frens house and for that major screwed upside down left right center. Haha if tell what really happen even more.

Anyway,these few days i been listening to those pharase.Familiar? Hahaha,is from snow patrol. But the main point is what would you do if the girl has everything you ever wanted all your life and is the perfect criteria for you,would you let her slip away? I would say not but the thing is i most likely would do cause of past wounds.Guess i dont want to feel hurt again but sigh,i just dont want be hurt again.Is too painful. But i think is time for me to forget that wound and ready for new wound to be bleed

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Self pity

2006-12-08T14:48:00.000+11:00

So often rather than not, people usually especially girls wrote something that made them look dumb (yaya,im not witting abt u) or feel like committing suicide etc Usually the person who cares most would be worried or comforting the person. But the thing is how do you know whether the person purposely do it to seek attention to themselves and always try to seek cheap feeling of being loved. The thing was I was one of those guys.Pretty much is because i was just a blind fool during that period(yes2 you guys know the story) but im just curious why does a person want to do that? Why more attention? You think you that pretty deserve that attention? Come on ah,im just sick seeing this stereotype of girls who wants to be loved.Stop being that way and moans about it.Instead try to solve it your own way.You have been wondering do you have friends,i would say yes u did have friends,the key words is did and you knows well why as well.If you just stop being an idiot and get on,there would be less people get irritated by you thus having more friends. Is that so hard?

Consistency is the key

2006-12-05T11:00:00.000+11:00

Results are out.Im so not happy right now.My accounting which i wanted to get a hd but it didnt happen.Gosh,why does it always happen to me?I always fucking fail at the last hurdle.Argh!!!!! Im always not consistent,damn ah.Guess im just a big loser written down on the fore head.Well,another subject was law which i pass and i kinda thankfull for that.Cause that was the hardest paper and accounting was kinda easy to me and i screwed that up and fearing for law.Anyway,all i can say is im just one big dumb ass who is damn freaking cocky.I guess i didnt study enough for accounting to get a hd.Guess my sis and everyone was right, im just one big showbow who trying to be good but always in the end i just fall at the last hurdle. The rest of subjets are alright,all pass.Disappointing yes but at least pass.Urgh got to work harder next semester

Is good to be back

2006-11-21T21:35:00.000+11:00

I havent updated my blog in a while and some of you might have realise that one entry was deleted.The main reason why i deleted the malaysia hall entry is not because im scared of the consequences,is just is bad writing.Is purely bad.Anyway,will write it when i have the will to write as last time there wasnt any omph.

anyway the main reason why i blogging is im back in msia.Yea,so book me while u can cause im going back on the 5th ofjan.Haha...anyway gtg ,parenrts calling.Chow

Sky is your limit

2006-11-04T21:06:00.000+11:00

Is not that you are dumb,is just that you never try your best, and if you did, the sky is yor limit

I was brought up in a well educated family. My dad a phD holder, my mum did acturials studies and graduated and well,educated. When i was a small kid, according to my mom, i never read books.Instead,i tear them. Then, when i was in tadika,i was always hated to go there. Skip as often as i can thus leading to rotan session by my dad and i must say this,i cried. I didnt like my dad,i always prefer my mom. She always protect me. Buying whatever toys i want,even though it was expensive and the way i thank her is by destroying it. Then, when i was in primary. I never did homework. Just sleep. My mom found out and scolded me. My dad took all of my comics and keep it. I was sad. Exams come and i was like top 3. Haha...that was the easy days....upsr came,my mom thought me bm,maths and english. My dad thought me science. He never thought me,he lectures me. I never understand.Guess thats why i got 4A 1B which in trial, i got like B and C. Then,next was pmr. I never studied for pmr. Thats y maybe i got bad result. My dad lecture told me,you better buck up. With ur result,you cant even go to local universities. He was totaly embarass by my results,he seriously lectures me. Then,form 4 came. I did better. In whole form, i was top 20. But,i never change calss.I stuck with that idiot calss.Bad teachers who give up hope on you even if there is still time,thus spm came out and it was bad. My dad lectures me saying that come one ah roy,grow up. You not in primary school anymore where tomorrow exam tonight jsut study.

So far, all my achievements is a string of failures. Then came kdu, i did better. With a motivation to do well,i started well. But,first semester,i suck bad. I under estimate external. I thought it was easy as internal. For econs,i memoriesed everything. But when came to paper,i panic and gone. I even cried after that paper. I know i did my best. But because it was too hard,i panic and the whole thing gone. Somemore,econs i target A which the most credit units. I still remeber that day. I came back home,lying myslef at bed,just regretting and just cry myself to sleep. I saw my dad expression when he knows my first sem. He wasnt suprise.He just smile,saying owh,see never work hard again. Is kind of he was used to my failures. He keep saying that your time is up.Time to grow up ah roy. I saw his expression. I felt worse. I was so disappointed and keep saying to myself,roy no matter what,im going overseas next year. I worked hard,and increse my average. I was happy.From no hope to goin to uni syd. Cant enter unsw due to requirements but at least im able to go to uni syd.

Then,uni came. First semester result was bad. Too bad,my dad lecture me for an hour. He keep saying eh roy,whats wrong with you. Grow up ah. The thing is you not dumb or more stupid than ur sister, you just never tried your best. I never did.

Now,im with people who all their life have been succesfull. THere is a diff between me and them. But, i keep reminding myself,that no matter what, if you put your heart to in,you can do whatever you wan. Well,now im hoping that, this semester, things would be different and i hope, i could see my parens face proud of me.

What would you do?

2006-10-27T11:31:00.000+10:00

Man,i seriously miss this song.One of my fav back in primary school. Every friday evening after prayers,i would go to my room,play fifa or football manager,playing this song.My fav.Suddenly the other day when playing dota,say what would you do, then straight what would you do if ur sons at home,crying lone on the bedroom floor cause he's hungry and the only way to feed him......

anyway,this is the lyrics if u wanna sing a long

Boys and girls, wanna hear a true story?
Saturday night, was at this real wild party
They had the liquor overflowin' the cup
About 5-6 strippers trying to work for a buck
And I took one girl outside with me
Her name was Lonnie
she went to junior high with me
I said, "why you up in there dancin for cash?"
I bet a whole lots changed since I seen you last

CHORUS
What would you do if your son was at home
Cryin' all alone on the bedroom floor
cause he's hungry
And the only way to feed him
Is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money
And his daddy's gone
Somewhere smokin' rock now,
In and out of lock-down,
I ain't gotta job now
So for you this is just a good time
But for me, this is what I call life mmmm

Girl, you ain't the only one with a baby
That's no excuse to be living all crazy
And then she looked me right square in the eye
And said every day I wake up hopin' to die
she said, nigga I know about pain, cause
Me and my sister ran away so my daddy couldn't rape us
Before I was a teenager
I've done been through more shit you can't even relate to

CHORUS

(RECORD SCRATCHING)
WAIT, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, STOP THE RECORD STOP THE RECORD SHORTY YOU DONT HAVETA BE GOING OUT LIKE THIS
What would you do
Get up on my feet and let go of every excuse
What would you do
Cause I wouldnt want my baby to go through what I went through
Come on what would you do
Get up on my feet and stop makin tired excuses
What would you do
Girl I know if my mamma can do it, baby you can do it

CHORUS x3

Hari Raya and optimism

2006-10-23T21:56:00.000+10:00

dont cry cause is over,smile cause it happen

First of all,selamat hari raya.Maaf zahir batin. Anyway, first of raya day in sydney doesnt felt as though it was raya. Felt ordinary. Anyway,yesterday,the night before raya, went to lepak at alpha house to watch man u liverpool.So bukak at nandos.Haha..dah lama gila tak makan sana. I used to eat there every friday last semester with mukmin and zainol. Makan banyak gila sinse they all say raya.Haha.Anyway,affter that went camperdown to lepak a while with quek and zainol. However, zainol went to work di.Damn,nak kacau dia.Anyway went back to alpha to play winning on multitap means 4 ppl.Wow,fun.It was serious fun.Anyway went to see the match and serious owning man. Lost most of my voice due to the screaming that we made. Haha. Slept late due to football mathces.

Anyway,this morning was pure toture.Lack of sleep.Damn,sembahyang pun cam zombi.Anyway,during this period,sleeper aku kena celop.Cipet.Tidak!!!!Tension gila. Anyway spent most of the time with mukmin and zainol as probably this most lilely last hangout. Damn,dia org dah nak balik.Cipet. Well,at least there is others :D . I always complain abt how i only spent a year with my best frens last year and this year,how i spent only a short period with the trio. Well, i have been ungrateful. What i should have done is be grateful that im lucky enough to meet special people like them, not complaining tak cukup masa. I should look at the glass is half full not half empty. Change of perspective. Anyway, the trio would deeply miss but hey, there is msn. Is exactly like during kdu where god knows how sad i am leaving kdu but life goes on. Thats why dont ever cry cause its over,smile cause it happen.

Happy birthday Jason

2006-10-22T13:06:00.000+10:00

Well,as you can see today is my best friends birthday in msia,Jason.Haha,well as a present,a minute of silence to remember him.LOL. Joking.Anyway, met this dude when i was in BBBS. Was same class with in form 1 but both of us wasnt that close. Anyway, friendship grew when we were in form 3 where he realise who is his real friends.He knows what friendship is with the group of us. Sadly, he left singapore in form 4 due to ASEAN scholarship.What a geek!!! Miss him when was in form 4 and 5 but during kdu,he was back.Yea!!!Then,now im in aussie now but at least he is not lonely due to his gf.Haha...Anyway dude,enjoy ur birthday.Hope u have a blast.Take care dude

Internal Conflict

2006-10-21T11:10:00.000+10:00

You exist for the team not the team exist for you

Once,not a long time ago, they were group of friends.Everynight, they would gather around the computer and play games called DoTa. 3 from sydney, 2 from melbourne. They would play at night,around 10 something till midnight,every single day. They enjoyed it so much,they thought they were families. THOUGHT. BUt ne eventfull day came to rebutted it. They lose terribly with even a group member was hacking the map means he could see everything. They were extreemly furious due to the group member mistake. THey were pushing top to win and thus end the macth,however the group member were late,thus leads all to death without any reason. 2 of the group members,X and Y were blaming him, M furiously. It was his fault and no others.He even disagree and which end up fighthing.
Not a long time ago, these group has fantastic teamwork. A great team. Everyone listen to X cause he was better.Due to the macth, now, there isnt any teamwork left. X and M keep fighting together. Both of them, came to conclusion that this is the end due to M stubbornness thinking he is right. X was wrong. However,Y keep saying that M is wrong and M thought that Y was taking X's side. Y wasnt cause his point of view is the same with X. M came up with conclusion that he was different than others. The sytle of playing is different. He was being selfish and childish, keep saying that the team should change for him. Not he changes for the team. And thus,it was the end with that group of friends.

Lesson of the day: Most of the time, you need to change for the team. Not the other way round.And if M reading this,dude,u have a screwed up attitute.Is like the world evolves around you,not you evolves the world. My advise is you better change cause you will have a lot of problem when you gonna work.True that it is just a game,but it reflects on your attitude towards the team.CHANGE IT.

KDU days

2006-10-16T19:27:00.000+10:00

This what made me miss my kdu days so much.Watching this video just brings back all those memory once again.In case u are wondering where i am,im not in there due to im camera-shy.Haha.God,i miss them so much especially the guy nama muninho penambuchano,chap,jagung,conclusion miss all of them.Tak sabar next year where im going to nz jumpa dia org.Yea,but first need to find money first :(

Oh yea,remember the accounting mid-exam where i got 80?Apparently there is some error in the cash flow,thus getting 5 more marks i.e. full marks for that question.Woohoooooooooooo!!!!!! HD,HD,HD...bapak gempak gila...im so freaking happy right now

LOL

2006-10-15T17:08:00.000+10:00

Well, from thirteen to eighteen,she's like Africa- virgin territory.
From eighteen to thirty,she's like Asia- hot and exotic.
From thirty to forty-five, she's like America- fully explored but generous with her resources.
From forty-five to fifty-five, she's like Europe- a bit exhausted, a bit knackered, but still with many
places of interest
From fifty-five onwards,she's like Australia- everybody knows it's down there somewhere,but
very few make the effort to find it.

Found this at one website...should give it to the aussie...damn funny....LOL!!!

Memories

2006-10-14T10:40:00.000+10:00

While i was browsing through you tube,suddenly saw this vidoe.It reminds me how much i enjoy wrestling last time. Week by week,month by month,year by year,glued to the tv watching this dude fight against others. Those were the great memories of wwe or last time knows as wwf.This guy was alone agaisnt those other corporations. Like the corporaions,ministry of darkness,d-generation X,it was fun.He was like a the man of wwf.Then,he had injuries etc and force to retire,i guess that was the fall of wwe. Stop watching it since. Guess that is the main reason why i watch.Man,i miss those days.Wish could have a time machine and watch it.LOL. Let me finish it with stunner!!!

Finally,hard work paid off.....

2006-10-09T22:38:00.000+10:00

Finally, it it paid off...All those hard work...has been justice..dulu,work like a dog but still, result cam just pass je...feel so cheated...akhirnya, my accounting got 80 for mid sem...yeah!!!!!! A distinction....Finally....ini telah menaikkan semangat i utk belajar lebih lagi...haha...anyway got to do some work now...cya

Wondering

2006-10-05T18:33:00.000+10:00

jangan sesekali memainkan perasaan orang lain kerana perasaan itu bukan bahan mainan untuk dimain-mainkan - KIKI

Well,got that pharase from a close friend of mine.Well,the thing is ntah ah,mcm musim clash je ni.This pharase also applied to me last time.My heart was rip out and crushed into millions of pieces. Yg takleh belah, it goes deeper than that,get more complicated which in the end became a triangle involves my best friend. Best? Haha, I never thought of seeing a sunshining day again. It sucks all the happyness out of you. Well,thank god i recover before major exam.Anyway,then member i pulak kena.And another. Goes like a domino pattern. Well,im thinking,asal perempuan nak mempermainkan perasaan? Best ke?you feel happy and can sleep well knowing that you just destroy someones heart like that? How can you sleep well at night? Dont you feel any remorse at all? Knowing that you most likely have destoy his life for 3 months and knowing that the guy might never trust another girl again. Pelik2.

The thing is, is goes the same way for girls.Then, why cant good guy find good girl? Well,i tell you why,cause the world has damn little of good guys. You dont know who to trust anymore. Girls will always take advantage of you knowing that you like her. Nak free lunchlah,makan mahal2 and the worst thing nak present or something like that.Sigh,it sux. For guys,i dont know maybe they want something else.Hehe.Anyway, is just hurts knowing that you been played. Sakit gila babi tahap cipan.Why?tell me why?Sigh,is unfair sometimes.Anyway,to those people yg pernah kena,all i can say is that dont you agree with me and for those who is playing,why dont you get a life bitch?

P:S I dont know why,but when i was writting this, i was listening the exact song that reminds me of her

This is my past and future

2006-10-03T21:04:00.000+10:00

This is my past and my future, this is me

It was a foggy morning, sun was shinning brightly, and it was 9 in the morning. As i was trying to get out from the bed, realising that was just a dream. A dream that felt so right.A dream that felt real. A dream which made me realise how much it meant to me. Made me felt that i was back in kdu days again. Well, i dreamt that i was hanging out with mukmin,zainol and quek. Well,wth? Im gay??No, is just that it is amazing. They are my sister batch,but im closer to them than anyone else before.Ask they all,whether they were that close to someone else in sydney,cam my batch atau budak baru. Is just amazing, how they can just let someone in the house and how our friendship grew. I felt as though i was in kdu again with zainol. Dengan lawak2 bangang dia,he is cool. If someone ask me, which group i belong to, the one where I felt home, it was with they all.Not budak2 alpha house,tapi ngan dia org. Is amazing aint it. Exactly one year ago, they dont even know who the hell i am and vice versa, but now,as the semester ending, is nearly time to said goodbyes. Sigh,setiap tahun camtu ah.I became close with someone,then kena belah.Sux sometimes. Knowing that in future,we cant be like last time sebab zainol kahwin,quek kat pahang.Gila tak syok.Anyway, just enjoy the remaining time we gonna have. Make best whats left and remembered that my first year i was hanging out with the best people that made my sydney life memorable

holidays

2006-10-02T09:43:00.000+10:00

As i woke up in the morning,suddenly something hid me hard enough making me realise that today,is not an ordinary day.It wasnt.It is the last day for the holidays.NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Damn,conlcusion for the holidays.= wasting time. Have a lot to cover for the finals.Damn,satu benda pun tak study.Apa plan nak belajar masa holidays.Melapak kat alpha,msia hall,main dota,takde kerja betul ah.Apa nak jadi ni,assignemnt due esok tak buat2 lagi.Sigh,apa nak jadi ngan ko ni.Haha..guess better start doing for law assignments.

Thoughts of a boy

2006-09-28T10:53:00.000+10:00

Im not one of them nor one of us

Is just a place to let my feelings go and please please do not worry much about it.
:D

As i woke up in the morning,realising that im not one of them or any one of us. Im in the middle. Is kind of a jack of all trades but comes to specialty im none. The thing is that i might have close friends here and there,but comes to best friend,none. No one really remembers me as their part of group and hell,i dont blame them. Im not physically there.So thus,is a bit hard since a lot of effort just to call and etc,so i dont blame them.But,then which group i belong to?If not them,then who?People here?Hell,we dont even go to the same university but still,we could be best friends.But,again the same problem,they dont remembers me when doing stuff. So how what could i do just to be remembered.I know i cant be a better friend that I am now cause ive been trying my best to be a very good friend.Is just that all those effort just gone to waste. Im not blaming anyone or anything but me.And please,im begging you,dont treat me with any sympathy or change the way you treating me. Is just that,to be honest,i still dont find the group where i trully belong.

-Fadzrul signing out-

Ski trip

2006-09-28T09:57:00.000+10:00

Haha...this was my friends skiing in snowmy mountain last winter...came across while looking pictures from canberra trip during winter...god,it was one hell of a time...yg takleh belah when my friends said record him skiing saying org gempak in the end,dia yg jatuh...hilarrious...

F*cking bad day

2006-09-26T17:47:00.000+10:00

Yea,i know is fasting but still im so f*cking piss.Dont know why,just feels like to punch someone ie ended up punching the freaking wall. Well,is just a f*cking bad day.Feels like scream on top of my voice.ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God knows why im so f*cking moody right now,maybe low in sugar.But still,come on,even on normal days everything just f*cking wrong,im pissed.EVERYTHING IS F*CKING WRONG.Went to groceries and suffered.Wtf,plastic broken in right middle of the road.What THE F*CK wei.ILL NEVER DO FREAKING GROCERIES AGAIN!!!.And you know what,my left hand is twisted i think due to carry heavy stuff,feels pain everytime i move it. Then,went to visit my friend in hospital due to appendix which two people in 2 days.Is it the appendix week?Anyway he just came out from operation and couldnt talk to him.Saw him weak.Anyway allhamdulliah cause he is alright now but the appendix he has is a rare one and actually the life treatining one.Nasib baik,dia selamat now.Anyway,after hospital,decided to buy dinner since is so near.Check my wallet,no money due to the stupid groceries.No atm machine and decided to cash out.Penat2 beli travel ten yg unnecessary suddenly the guys said no cash out.F*ck so decided go back and order deliver.Then,the guys said no deliver until 6.30.WTF.So im freaking lazy to walk and bukak is so freaking near.Just wait till 6.30.

Conclusion,dont buy groceries.

Did i made a correct decision?

2006-09-25T08:21:00.000+10:00

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did i just did a wise decision?By not going to canberra to see the 2 most important person in my life beside family just because i coulnt really hang out with them when i go to canberra.It sucks!!! Mula2 pikir tak nak ah sebab tak lepak sangat ngan dia org sebab bz but then now,feels like crap. God,i have been so emo for the past two days and i dont even know whats going on. Nowadays asyik layan lagu2 jiwang je.Kenapa!!!! I dont like this feeling!!!! Argh!!!!!!!!! Feels like emotional break down. The last time was like this is the after effects of redang which i fall for somebody.Tapi,kat coogee minat sape lak?Sigh,sengal tul ngan pasrahnya!!!!!!

MERDEKA!!!!! Eh,bukan dah lalu ke?

2006-09-25T05:05:00.000+10:00

WHEEEEE!!!! Scream with me...Is the holidays.Finally,i deserved a break a while.What a hectic 3 weeks it has been. Overall with the exam was i felt that wow,i can do.Guess that is the reward for being hardworking. Celebrated holidays with the best fashion possible.Go to the beach have bbq and swimming.Playing with waves.Is damn cool as aussie here,they have great waves.Is just fantastic. It reminds me of redang but i think this period is better. But one thing was missing, beach volleyball. Played that in redang and it was priceless.

Sigh,miss those days. Speaking of missing, the homesick begin to kick me in slowly. I told myself that i will never be homesick as back in msia, no freedorm as curfue is at 7.Haha,usually ill write wt* but since fasting,words have been cut.Lol.Anyway,yea and im not that close with parents anyway. Guess is just the guy kind of thing. I thought to myslef ill be here for 2 years and then baru balik.But cantlah,missing my bed too much.I even forget how my house looks like. My beloved wife,yea wife which is my car.Haha. God,i miss my car so much. Sigh, and definitely my frens in msia.Sigh,getting more homesick but wait a minute,is not too long more.Muahahaha.

My beloved car,optra 5.Miss you so much

Cause u had a bad day

2006-09-21T16:56:00.000+10:00

U know it is going to be bad day when:

1. You spent all your sleeping time doing assignments
2. You woke up at 6 in the morning even though you are lacking of sleep
3. You felt tired when woke up and tried go back to sleep for an hour
4. When u just get out of the house and saw 3,THREE buses that u need to go to uni pass by right in front of your eyes.
5. You reach to uni and suddenly realise that the assignment you SPENT the whole night doing left at home. Need to miss class taking the assignemnt back
6. Waiting for 15 minutes for bus
7. Suddenly, the bus driver said u guys need to change bus as this bus having problems thus next bus is coming in 10 minutes. The house is just right on top of the hill
8. Decided to walk and while walking saw the bus supposedly 10 minutes pass you by
9. Get the assignemtn and realise that next bus is in half an hour
10. When printing your assignemt,there is a bitch using PRINTING only use to check her mail and reading the scholarship offers
11. Waiting for 10 minutes for her
12. She decided to print and tried to write the file to the cd. Bitch,is a com for printing,not ur personal computer.
13. Decided to go to the other one, and same thing happen. One bithc cheking her mail. Thank god she was quick
14. Went to tutorial and realise that you did the wrong question. Of all the odds, the tutor ask the question that same question
15. Thats all folks!!!!!

Assignments

2006-09-20T08:49:00.000+10:00

Sigh...just got back my result for assignments.Damn,is always like this.Assignments marks always brings me down.My exam result would always be credit or better,when it come to assignments,damn just pass border line aka cukup2 makan.Damn ah.Im just not the type of doing assignemtns.THey always brings me down to pass.Argh!!!!! Is the a guidebook doing assignments for dummies?

Happy birthday to me

2006-09-18T08:24:00.000+10:00

Haha...Anyway for those who sent me a card,wish me a birthday...thanks u guys...and for who u dont,dont worry im not mad or sad or etc...haha..well so far cant really celebrate my birthday as i got test at 10 later..sux man..but last saturday was out with my uncles..had a fantastic seafood..and of course a birthday cake...for once in my life...i do not know what to wish for...im happy with everything...maybe the losing weight part...haha..everything else...im just glad with my life...the friends im hanging out with,a better result in studies compare to last semester,gf?Haha...nah,happy being single.I saw few of my friends who are in relationship and there isnt any freedorm..cant hang out,cant dota till the wee hours of morning,every single hour must send her a message..etc..it sux..i got my own life...later we or im gonna get married...er i HOPE...going to spend the rest of my life with her.SO why wanna start now...now we should enjoy life being single.Anyway,better get back on study..wish me luck....

In keynesians point of view,an increase in base money would incease the fixed money,a fall in interest rate and increase the demand for money.However,there is the feedback effect.....

random thoughts

2006-09-13T18:05:00.000+10:00

Is just a thought,but I realise something.Since I step in the land down under,the only thing that i learn others than uni,is being more malay.Huh,wth,how can it be?I dont know,is just the people that we hang around.I realise that most of my friends are malay,and is not a kinda bad thing,but u fly over 10,000 miles to be with malays???Haha,thank god that in my batch and my course,im the only malay speaking oriented.So with them,i speak english.If not,hell,i became more malay than ever.Go aussie to learn malay.Is hilarious.To think about it,I learn the word sengal,pasrah and etc while was here.I know the existense of the word but never used it.Is just hilarious.This is the common problem among our local sponser kids.We should hang around with aussies,not malay.We should change our attitude.Is not a bad thing hang with malays,is just we are here to learn their culture,not being a better malay. Guess,the world has been turn upside down...

Through thick and thin,ill stay by your site

2006-09-11T21:24:00.000+10:00

God,is monday already...it sucks man...weekend just went through just like that...as i expected...saturday met with the mustafa guy which i dont even know who the hell is he..since im not a fan of politics....and sunday was the comepetition that ive been waiting for a while...well,i actually had few teams offer me to keep for them...team mun which was kind of all stars and my own close friends which is paan,azha,etc...to be honest,i want to win the comp,thus thought of joining mun.However,i stayed loyal with my bunch of friends.Arriving there,team mun had no keeper as joe was late.I said yea,sure why not.I made few decent saves and it was pure fun playing with them.It was just all flow.Then,my team was up.It didnt go as plan.Lost 6-1.Wtf?I was so pissed with my teammates.I was speechless.I have been disappointed by my own teammates.THere isnt anything i could do for the 6 goals.I know im big,but the goal is still bigger.I was so pissed and kind of regret that join their team.However,second game prove me wrong.Finally,they play futsal.Pure flow.It was nice but some bastard wasnt that happy and actually goes in to me while i catching for the ball.End up with a pretty sore knee,sore body and sore neck.What a bastard.

Then,the final game of the day came.Played with the favourites of the group.Full of westerners which is damn good at their techincal part of the game.However,we stoof firm.We match them with determination.I let go one goal first which kind of soft to me.But,my teammates scored 2.We were leading.They keep on pressuring us,i have to make at least 5 magnificent saves which was kind of make the spectators cheers.But,with all due respect to them,they somehow find a equaliser which i could do nothing regarding it.It was deflection.Hate those kind of goals.At the end of day,end up with being a drwa.Next,we need to win and hope the fav lose.Kinda hard.However,i might actually make my name there as a lot of people kind of praise me of good keeping especially from the opponent team.There once where I actually have sitted and some guy says fantastic keeping you have there.I was like,wow,i felt honoured.Well,one more game.There is still 30 minutes to determine our destiny.We can do win this.

P:S Sorry about the boring post if u werent a football fan.Hehe,i just want to remember this awesome day.Kalau tak percaya im good,can go to my friendster..haha

among other things i should BE doin....

2006-09-09T13:12:00.000+10:00

Yea,yea,i know i got a lot work to do..but still,im not a robot :D...anyway,just finished vacumming the house..i hate vacumming here...carpet sux man...is harder to vacumminng(is there such word?)...prefer the old marble place..guess wont be logic for aussies here as it would get very extreemmly cold during winter...anyway,as goin through peoples blog...found one cool movie..yes,yaya....i know u reading this...anyway,cool movie,good job :D...just find it funny when jaih and syahmi pegang tangan...haha...click here if wanna watch
Anyway,this weekend sure gonna just blow right in front of me...tomorrow there is futsal thing which im joining...havent played futsal in ages..beeing the golie >.<...well,so far the training has been alrgiht..anyway,just thinking about tactics for futsal now cause want to win man...sigh,got any ideas?

Uni life

2006-09-05T19:09:00.000+10:00

Bapak ah...banyak gila kerja nak buat..exam this thursday,next week presentation,the week after next is presentation,test 15%,mid semester...walau...Aku baru budak first year!!!!!!!Matilah nanti.....dahlah cakap commerce rilek...bapak ah,matilah kalau aku buat engin....guess wont be blogging er....until 22 sep

My new look

2006-09-02T18:48:00.000+10:00

Had the hair cut.Well first it was like this.Then it became like that...

Malam gema Merdeka

2006-09-02T18:21:00.000+10:00

I knew u guys probably have read this....however,gonna upload some of the pics..hehe..wanted to lsat time but lazy..heeh

Kaki bola di syndey

Me and the friends in sydney who made me felt at home

This is the intro

Kenangan terindah

2006-09-02T10:51:00.000+10:00

Check it out...it has some decent lyrics and awesome melody...memang boleh layan siot

Malam gema Merdeka

2006-09-01T09:19:00.000+10:00

Dont bother to find me.Im not in there.However,somehow,i like this video due to friends that were in that video.

Malam gema Merdeka

2006-09-01T08:54:00.000+10:00

Dari kejatuhan kota melaka,Kita bina Malaysia

I was suppose to blog yesterday however was busy chatting with an old fren of mine.Anyway get back to the topic.Malam Gema Merdeka.Ticket 35 dollars.However,the good moments that had was priceless.It was seriously worth every penny.Felt like was back in kdu.But,i hate to admit it,it was the best night of my life so far.Beating those redang moments,mkm,and even the graduation dinner.I felt home.I felt as though that this is my families now.True,those kdu moments was great,but what can i do now?Im not going to be with them anymore.They will not be there when i trully need someone to help me out.The point that im gonna make is,Sydney is my home now for the next 3 years.And with friends that i have now,life wouldnt be any sweeter.

Independence day

2006-08-29T21:32:00.000+10:00

Haha..since im overseas,and dont have a holiday,kinda miss the independence day.in the sprit of it,im actually gonna pay 35 bucks for a dinner.How fucking expensive is that?Quite but since most of my frens performing,need to give them moral support.Haha...anyway found a very cool video which was done in sydney last year regarding msia.Most of the student that was interviewed were my frens...so check it out...

HOw unmalaysian are u

2006-08-27T17:17:00.000+10:00

Congratulations fadzrul, you are 52% not Malaysian.

That means you're as Malaysian as...

Guy Sebastian !

How Un-Malaysian Are You?

HOw unmalaysian are u

2006-08-27T17:15:00.000+10:00

Congratulations fadzrul, you are 52% not Malaysian.

That means you're as Malaysian as...

Guy Sebastian !

How Un-Malaysian Are You?

Old fren

2006-08-26T01:08:00.000+10:00

Sometimes you need something in the past to remind you how great the future can be

Time currently is 1 am. This is so way beyond my bedtime. But somehow i dont feel sleepy due to oversleep mode for the past two days. Anyway,now actually talking to someone who knows me a long time.To be exact, 12 years ago.It was fun talking to her. Her?Haha..give clue...now most of u all know who di especially my sis. Well,is aida. Is seriously fun talking to her. Is just fun. The way we turn out to be. It shows that with some effort,friendship can last.Anyway if you are reading this aida,good luck to ur career of medicine.Have fun in india.Take good care of urself.Bye

So sick

2006-08-24T08:29:00.000+10:00

*Sneeze...god im so sick right now....just lepaking on my bed now...i got kena attack by stupid virus...sigh,so down...at least got special consideration..*evil laugh....but damn lah...dont like being sick..sigh...

One thing i realise since im gone is that everything have change...It is not the same anymore..and that is kinda sad....someone told me last time,things will always stay the same...but somehow u cant just help it...Well,perfect example is hana which now,havent talk to her in ages...she is ignorant,maybe she is bz but come on ah,a 5 minutes call or sms saying hey how r u is that so hard?Well,it goes to some other people also...is just disappointing...maybe they dont treasure the friendship as much as me...

To find a way to you heart

2006-08-19T10:32:00.000+10:00

Goodness gracious...Is that period of the year.What period u might ask?Haha...period for falling for someone straight to the floor...godness man,i keep thinking abt her,and my heart feels weird....i havent felt this in a long time...sigh..argh!!!!Dahlah banyak gila assingment...i dont have time to be weng aka angau.If u dont know,is just when u like someone and just keep thinking abt her when ure in bed.Everytime i see her,somehow i just smile and feels the world is a better place.I think is still at the period of crush..Sigh...havent feel this since er...january...somemore she is my group memeber so we gonna see each other so often...i so freaking like her...the other day she sat next to me..and cant concerntrate...just keep thinking abt her...adus..bahaya ah camni..dahlah,ada presentation which im gonna do with her and they wanted to act...i act?front of her...cant stop smiling later man...sigh...susah2...the will i go for her???ANSWER: YES,i will try and jas i so need ur help man...

Cool jokes

2006-08-19T10:28:00.000+10:00

Dr. Phil was conducting a therapy
session with
four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he said.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed
with eating, you've even named your daughter
Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is
with money. Again, it manifests itself in your
child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third mom. "Your obsession is
alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child's
name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her
little boy by the hand and whispers, " Come on
Dick, we're leaving."
_________________

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school
again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing
football and
the game went into extra time.

====================

A philosopher, a scientist and an idiot,
were in a
car accident. They
found themselves standing before the pearly gates.
Both St. Peter and the
Devil were waiting.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Because Heaven
is too overcrowded, St.
Peter is limiting the number of people entering
Heaven. If you can ask me
a question which I cannot answer, then you're
worthy enough to go to
Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."

The philosopher stepped up, "OK, give me the
most comprehensive report on
Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a
full volume appeared.
The philosopher read it and agreed it was flawless.
"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger,
the philosopher
disappeared.

The scientist was next, "Give me the complete
Black Hole theory explained
in the simplest way that even a child can
understand !" With a snap of his
finger, a computer monitor appeared. The scientist
read what was on the
screen and reluctantly agreed it was perfect.
"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger,
the scientist
disappeared, too.

Now its the idiot. He said, "Bring me a chair!"
The Devil brought forward a chair.
"Drill 7 holes on the seat."
The Devil did just that.
The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very
loud fart.
Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart
come out from?"

The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third
hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole."
And you don't need a philosopher or a scientist to
tell you where the
idiot went.

The words to say,the road to take

2006-08-12T11:31:00.000+10:00

What can I do,To get to you

You know those day when you wake up and somehow feel like listening to lagu jiwang.And today is one of those days.Sigh,dont really like this type of day.Listening to this song and imagine of HER...HER????HUh,who is her....dont know abt that...who..who..who???Hahaha....yea,but this type i noe the chance is way beyond zero or even negative of infinity...which means impossible...is just a crush..but somehow,she is just so freaking nice and innocent and so freaking sweet man....you can just melt...but the thing is that she is a local...jengx3....thats y is impossible...but she is ABC which is australian born chinese if u dont know...or i think she is chinese...maybe jap or even korean..cause she has the look of japanese but not sure...she is in my freaking group so techinalcally...gonna see her often..haha...sigh,susahlah camni....

The Consequences

2006-08-08T16:24:00.000+10:00

Every dark cloud there is always a silver lining

Is been a while since i blog.Well,kinda busy...hmmm...nah,just lazy to blog.There isnt anything interesting to blog to.Except next week got presentation..Sigh,this sem so many presentation..So mafan wan...Somemore,my group member thinking to do a drama act for our presentataion..WTF????Im gonna act?Die loh...Dont want to act..Sigh...And is only like 4 weeks away which im gonna blink,blink and what do you know,we there...Time passes so quickly especially my weekend last week.Was busy with friday due to suams bbq and saturday was agm meeting for umno..Well,the main reason to go was to eat..hehe...sedap tau,is ayam masak merah...you cant taste this good anywhere else in the land under.By the time to chill and breath is the last day of the weekend...so sad...sigh..But this "busy" scheduele make me realise that im not lonely in uni...This sem starting to have few close friends especially budak2 pet...tak tau but every lunch hour,there must be someone there...not like last sem where kena makan sorang2...so sad...Started to become close with mohaz and the rest...It actually make me realise that i dont need to go to any other uni...Im happy here..Now i know where im gonna move...With every decision,there is always good things that come out with it...Now,im gladful that i choose uni syd over anu.

Eminem Remix...

2006-07-30T21:18:00.000+10:00

They call me superman, leap tall hoes in a single bound
I'm single now, got no ring on this finger now
I'd never let another chick bring me down, in a relationship
Save it bitch, babysit, you make me sick
Superman ain't savin' shit, girl you can jump on Shady's dick
Straight from the hip, cut to the chase, I tell a muthafuckin' slut, to her face
Play no games, say no names, ever since I broke up with what's her face
I'm a different man, kiss my ass, kiss my lips, bitch why ask
Kiss my dick, get my cash, i'd rather have you whip my ass
Don't put out, i'll put you out, won't get out, i'll push you out
Puss blew out, poppin' shit, wouldn't piss on fire to put you out
Am I too nice, buy you ice, bitch if you died, I wouldn't buy you life
What you tryin' to be my new wife, what you Mariah, fly through twice...

But I do know one thing though, bitches, they come they go
Saturday through Sunday, Monday, Monday through Sunday yo'
Maybe i'll love you one day, maybe we'll someday grow
Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin' runway ho'...

It was taken from remix of eamon famous song...is a remix and dont know but i seriously like the rap part.Reminds me of something last time

My Past

2006-07-26T22:36:00.000+10:00

Actually,i got this from kajen's blog...well didnt specificly says that i was tagged,but its actually kinda fun to do.

10 years ago

Well,was standard 3.People keep saying that i was very cute..Hmmm,in my opinion no,but you be the judge.Was the first year to do pts.Was crappy.DOnt know what the hell the goverment want to do.ANyway,in the end didnt manage to skip.Haha...Close friends were hatta,meor,aida,kajen,syeikh.Still in contact until now except for sheikh and meor cause the last time i heard from them was they become bad boys which smoking and etc....Cant imagine what time had done to them....

5 years ago

Was in form 2.Was getting fatter.Hehe....thought about it,i became really really fat when in the evening school.Was fat in primary but was getting way fatter now.Haha...HAd the best year in high school,i think.My class was the bomb.Had,mrs tan,which is the coolest teacher that i had in high shcool.The closest i might add.Close frens was hatta,amin,noh,ismail,azrin and john.Never imagine that my closest friend until know was actually the guy who i didnt really like when i was in form one which was jason.Fought with him couple of times but in the end,became close friens.This year was suck cause everyone ejek nama mak bapak..Tsk,tsk,tsk how childish they were...tsk tsk tsk....

1 year ago

Haha...definetely the best time of my life....It was wonderful....No doubt about it.Met with my bestest friends or brothers...It was just wonderful...No words can describe how i actually miss them now.Wish they were here..U guys know di..hehe...

5 most recent songs i listened to:

1. Dygta-Pencundang sejati
2.3 doors down-Here without you
3.Eamon-F*ck it
4.Nickleback-savin me
5.Evan and Jaron-Crazy for this girl

5 songs i know all the words to:
1. Dygta-Pencundang sejati
2.3 doors down-Here without you
3.Decisive-Empty decorations(Kopitiam)
4.Jason blunt-You're beautiful
5.Bic-Runga-Sway

Ideal place to run to...
I would say er..canberra,frens place.Had good time there...all the problems just go away.

5 things i really want
1.Best friends in sydney
2.Close friends near me
3.Freedorm
4.To lazy around and not studying
5.Losing weight

5 things i should do
1.Study
2.Study
3.Study
4.Study
5.Study
(After poor result that i had)

5 thins i enjoy
1.Best friends
2.Freedorm
3.With family
4.Dota
5.Kick someone's ass in pro evo

Death prediction

2006-07-24T22:21:00.000+10:00

fadzrul: At age 100, you will take a near lethal dose of mescaline, wander the desert for six months, and eventually be eaten by coyotes.

My god.I found this at here.Is just some random of boredorm.It calculate ur death.Wow,never thought that i would live the day to see i became 100.And hell,if ure 100,why the hell u wanna go to the desert for?The best thing is at 100,coyate came,how the hell to run.No wonder got eaten up.Sigh,never thought that my death was that painful.

The road not taken...

2006-07-23T21:39:00.000+10:00

Life's simple,you just make choices and never look back

Remember the old poem?The one that we had to remember all the literature for spm?Sonnet 18 and etc...Well,some times you do wonder whether what if I had make the other choice instead the current one?HAvent you?Well,i know that im guilty cause evert single second i wonder what if i didnt go to uny syd and went to ANU.That would have been different.Result wont be that bad.They all did very well for their exam and actually im not that far away from their standard.To be honest,I have made a wrong decision.I shouldnt have got to uni syd.I shouldnt have.Now,most likely all hopes to trasfer went to the drain due to "excellent" result of mine.But now,when i think back,I wont transfer even if i could.I want to be indipendent.Dont depend on others even friends.I want to hang out more with locals.Maybe after first sem,i actually could say that i was culture shock.But now,with a new sem,hang out with more locals and do better for exam.Constant studying is the key to succecs.I want to erase all the what if.Live in present and plan for future.Anyway fuzzy out

Guess im going back to msia....

2006-07-18T14:30:00.000+10:00

Yeap,guess im coming back.You know why? Cause i f*cking failed my paper which was 49.One more mark,and i pass.Because of that,im going back to msia.Sigh,the thing is I seriously deserved to go back.Dont want to disappoint my parents again which something i had done over and over again.I dont know why but somehow,maybe im a failure.I did study,infact the hardest i had ever study for a paper.I guess this is A WELCOME TO UNI LIFE KID.No fun,just study.You somehow need to be consistent.I always thought commerce.IS just easy.Study masa study break enough.Like what my sis always does.But somehow,i didnt.Infact i did worse.Maybe is true all this while.My sis is smarter than me.I always see people manage to study last minute and did very well.I always target pass or credit.So i thought that i studied enought for it.But hell,i cant.I just realise that i dont do so well study last minute.Sigh,life sux big time.Guess dont need to argue about moving to canberra anything.But sometimes,think about it,is not fair.Why some people manage to study last minute and i cant.Maybe,i dont have the capacity of doin it.Sigh,once a great teacher of mine,said yea,he always wish also that like some of those geniouses where they can just study a bit.But remember,god is fair.You will always have an extra ability that others dont.Soon enough you will find yours. After 2 years,i still find nothing except the ps2.Thats the only thing that im good at.Sigh,maybe im destined to be a failure in the making.What the hell im goin to do with my life also i dont know.The thing is that im not scared that my parents scold me or anything.I dont care abt that.THe thing that im feeling now actually is the feeling of guilty towards my parents.At least,10 k fo aussie dollars are burn just like that.One months salary of my dad just go to drain.Well,why i never think this before?I did.But i always be that cokcy guy who thinks that im great that i can survive.I can always survive.Somehow somewhere i will survive.I always manage to survive.Cause my past result was bad in sense of an excellant parents but it was average.I dont mind average.I dont really bother to try.I had this conversation with my dad before.If you want,you can be the best cause i did it before.But,i just need to make sacrifices.I had too much fun and im too lazy.Well,is all done now.I cant do anything.Im just gonna do way better.At least end aussie life with a bang.

Cause we feels like we having a time of our lives...

2006-07-06T15:55:00.000+10:00

Cause it feels like we having a time of our lives

Is been a while blog.Between spending time with my best frens or blogging?Haha...Is has been a great holiday for me so far.I didnt know how much i miss them until meet with them.Feels like i havent see them for an eternity.I really really miss them.If can,i just wanna spend time with they all.They are family.Sigh,but is a sad thing that munzir and chap werent there.Sigh.Anyway if u guys wondering what the hell did i do so long in the capital of boredorm in canberra this is the list

1.The first activity that i did was watch movie tittle tokyo drift.Wow,what a fantastic movie.All the drifting.WIsh i could do that.But,shh!!!!I did it once.Hahaha....It was fun but it was very very dangerous.Somemore with an old car.Back to the movie,wow all the drifting it was beatiful.It was just gorgeus.

2.Second thing that i did was visit the parliement house.It was sure boring but somehow with frens it was fun cause we were camwhoring.Lol....Then we went to war memorial which was more interesting than the parliament house.It stated all about the history of the world war and all the weapons that we use.Taken a lot of picture.It was seriously nice some of the weaopon

3.DId ice skating.Haha,im the worse ice skating ever.Cant even balance up.Shit im a failure in that sense.Stuggling.Maybe cause my foot is too big so need to have a better sense of balance.Hell,i didnt even know how to rollerblade even byccycle.HAha....Jokes on me.Yup,so why the hell i thought that i could ice skate?

4.Ski!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Wohoooooooooooooooo.....I know how to ski and played with real snow before....Yea,im not a virgin anymore....in sense of the ice.Lol....It was real good...of course i dont know how to break but still just drop lo...It was real fun.Next stop is snowboarding.

5.Of course shopping...I still prefer sydney shops but not bad.Didnt buy anything.Just teman wafi buy some stuff.....

Thats the activity that i did..Wan pics?Haha...go friendste late...gonna load it up later...Anbway wanna go now..>Chow....

The smell of freedorm....

2006-06-26T21:52:00.000+10:00

The war is finally over,is now time to be free

After those 3 grueling days and one hell of day,is finally over.The smell of freedorm has arrived.It havents smell that good since a long time.Conclusion can be made from this event.I NEED WAFI AND HANA BADLY.I got no one to ask in sydney.I was seriously struglling doin all the tuts and studying cause i used to study with them hence suddenly there is no one to study with,i flunk badly.I somehow need to study someone.Somehow no motivation studying alone.Conclusion is that I might moving to any next year.Is a decision that i have thought carefully and people,i have make a mistake by going to sydney.However,i dont think it was a mistake as i got to know a lot of decent people like my few abang angkat,good ol' frens but somehow,i need someone who study with me and who i can ask question.I dont care if there is nothing,i dont do much in weekdays in sydney.I go out on weekends which i can do also in canberra.The weekend going to sydney.Plus,my sis chowing next year,so is my anabg angkat.Sigh,memang sedih.Got no real close frens then.So,i have decided to move to anu and is like 80% confirm.

BEsides that,nothing major happening in my life.Just cant wait to go to ski.Hahaha...anyway,wanna get some rest.IS has been a tiring day.Chow

Battlefield

2006-06-21T20:08:00.000+10:00

We might have win the war,but we havent win the battle yet

After four months,after all those man were down and out,after gallons of lost blood...Is nearly over men,is nearly over.After spending hours and hours and sleepless nights doing all the tactics on how to win the war,it maybe paying off during the war.After all those constant bombardments,we still were hanging out tight,never want to let go.THere were times where i was myself were doubtful of the outcome.Should i attack or defense?Some of the battles were harder than expected.Too many men were down and injured..BUt somehow,we manage to scrape through.Sometimes,it takes too long too kill the opponents off that we didnt have time.But,all hope are on our prayers.Hope that we will win the war.NExt battle is monday.After that,we have our freedorm and may enjoy the reward...

Conclusion

2006-06-16T11:46:00.000+10:00

Walking down to a path where i can roughly know

IS been a while since i blog..yea,cause exam..As the exam is getting nearer,it actually means that the sooner to see kdu guys once again at snowy mountain..Yup,playing with the snow..Muahahha,the question that finally rose is that hows life without kdu guys?Hmm,pretty sad.MIght consider changing to anu next year..See how it goes...BUt gosh man,is has been one semester di..HOw time flies...Still remember the first time i was here...JUst arrive in the airpot and met one of my frens...Then went to my sis house and stRAIGHT away went to circular quey to met up with wafi and hana...It was fun,but it was too short for my liking...Then went back and it actually hit me straight to my face when i woke up all alone..My sis went for concert and it just hit me.Im in aussie now.No frens no one left.I just felt sad.Then uni came.Been there,was even more sad..COuldnt make frens.IT was extreemly hard to break the ice with the locals.Came back to sis house and wondering why the fucking hell didnt go to anu.I was seriously lonely.No one to turn to.I wasnt used to that.ALl this while when i was in kdu,i had a lot to turn to.BUt here,no one,no one yet.Then ivan came to the picture,keep hanging out with him cause he was the only guy that i know that was in sydney uni.After the tuts started,met with some good locals.Steven,sammy,katingka.NIce locals frens.But,is hard to make them ur close friends.THen move in to msia hall.Frens?NO one.Only hang out with malays which by the way now,hated them.End up hanging out with the chinese gang as usual.Pretty close with them now.THen,met my kinda 2 abang angkat.It was actually my sister batch from kdu and i know them trough ivan cause their housemate.Now,i can say that im closer to them than ivan ever.

Now,after close to 4 months,i can say that life is pretty good but still missing kdu days.BUt it less now,cause i got some people to turn to now.But in uni,frens still can count with fingers.THat is something i want to change.Last time i cant bear the thought of life without wafi,hana,munzir,azreen,chap who is just beside you when u need them.But after four months living in sydney,i can say that i cope pretty well without them but still,i call wafi every week.Haha.Now,im counting the days that till i meet them once again.SNowy mountain,here i come

*Tick,tock

2006-06-08T18:23:00.000+10:00

Time is running out,lets go guys

Exam is near the corner and still im here blogging...SIgh,just feel damn lazy,takde semengat...i need someone to study with...thats how i study in kdu last time...still now got no one study accounting taht can be my study partner...no frens that is still close...but maybe study with someone else...hehe....Argh...sometime i hate napes as u woke up damn blur...still the blur process...the nose block and the feeling of feverish...bullshit....Sigh....time to get back to the books....

I miss them so much

2006-06-03T21:28:00.000+10:00

Mangkuk,ko cakap ko tak datang...

Finally,is the weekend...yea,what a horrible week.2 test in one day again.Crap...anyway,i was 24 hours awake yesterday.Woke up at 5,sleep at 5.WHat did i do?Play card and gamble...Well,gamble drinklah not money..Driking alcohol...lolz..nolah,i drink pepsi only..but chi beng,drink like 5-6 cups..to high di...so anyway,went to sleep...then had the best dream in a while...a dream where i wish it was reality....We were reunite somehwere again...THe kdu gang...the best was munzir was there...i was so happy,there were no words could descripe the feeling...is just wow,plus during that time,i have a gf and guess who...lolz...it was just great...but no....my stupid roomate woke me up by wathchinig friends...fuck him man,loudly somemore....people try to sleep and he always kacau wan...gila tak cukup tido...sigh,the postive side is that is only 18 days to go to see them again

Memories are just there when we need them

2006-05-26T23:39:00.000+10:00

Is been a while and since the last post kinda overreacted...hehe...but beware.this post gonna be emo a bit..hehe..

Well,is just got me to think when i chatted with jas...he keep asking,found any targets to become gf...apparently not..and im kinda suprised cause usually now is the corerct period to find somene who supposed to be ur wife...lolz..anyway,the thing is i dont find anyone attractive...or i can like...It got me thinking...am i actually afraid to fall in love again?From past experince...hmm...dont know...the thing was it was a bad experince..it was horrible...is just too freaking horrible...reading back my past entry...it just came back to me...it was so sad...SO how...am i gonna be single all my life???The thing is no...Cause somehow,these days,i think i might have found someone perfect for my personality...is always true that somehow,the thing that meant for you,is right under your nose or right in front of you and you dont know it...I dont know...sometimes is just to early to tell....but,but,i think i may have find the one...the only problem is that she is not single....but somehow,maybe im just gonna wait :D

LIfe is just a game which want you to fail it in....

2006-05-18T17:32:00.000+10:00

First of all,sorry for not sensoring anything as i damn freaking lazy.....So this post is only for those 18 and above...Please leave now is ure a minor....

What the fucking wrong with the fucking university...I never in my whole fucking life failed or even bellow thatn 70...What the fucking wrong when suddenly i fail my fucking mid semester paper...What the fuck!!!!!!!! And the worse of all i study hard for the fucking paper ...Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck,Fuck.....Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I hate fucking accounts and hate fucking lecturer....Sigh,the thing is,in the list,a guy below me got 72...so there is a slight that he misread?God,please let it be a mistake there...cause my life is as good as over if i flunk it.....

bounce,bounce,smash

2006-05-16T11:00:00.000+10:00

is been a long time since i blog.Well,main reason maybe because im lazy or sometimes there is nothing to blog about.Sigh,life hasnt been interesting,just lazy me.Well,maybe life would be a more interesting story if i would only fall in love..Lolz..sigh,no targetlah,never mind lo..Maybe im just happy being single.Lepaking with the guys...That what most of the time i do nowadays...lepaking with the chinese guys.....like the other day,we went to the fish market and we ate damn freaking a lot...is actually because one chinese girl belah msia hall so like kinda a farewell...but the fish market is a must place to go for the tourist as it is damn fresh...you can test the freshness of the seafood...yumm...then dinner was belanja by the pre birthday boy...so ate again...walau,the whole day over eaten...then on sunday,lepak with them again,went to ogalo...this time not over eaten but eat burger..so gain weight again...aiya..came back just play fifa...another obsession..haha...aiya exam coming nearer still lepak like this...gotta buck up..well,another current obsession is playing PING PONG....damn nice wei,dont knowlah but since everyone played ping pong before,so i just wanna try it out...is fun,the return,the service,the smash,haha,but i still suck at it,first time for me...but i know im getting better,muahahaha....like sunday night,i played until 3 oclock...from 8...gila,but got some breaklah,sigh,current obession...but i gotta study...so chow guys

Saturday night lights

2006-05-07T11:02:00.000+10:00

Man,what a week.Conclusion,is has been a hell kind of a week.Well,the reason why is because first,had econs mid semester which is 40%,stats is 11% and accounts is 20%...Econs was alright but was very difficult..my stats is as good as my french which is none...LOL....and accounts was the hardest paper i ever seen so far...damn hell of confusing...my head nearly wanna break di...this was worse than add maths man...sigh....the thing that was hell cause i had 2 of those on the same day...tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk,uni sucks sometimes...but how i celebrate was fun..damn fun...well,yesterday decided to go to bondi junction...first wasnt sure but it was a mistake if i didnt go..it ws so fun...well,went shopping for my football shoes...it was not bad...100 bucks but im sure that msia cost more...then we went to the eat for dinner....had it in hurricance..had fish and chip which was quite nice...then,we went to the beach..that was fun...we buried one of my fren...it was sure damn funny...probably pst the picture alter cause it was my frens camera...then had few funs...but the best thing we went back..which was 9....and we played basketball in msia hall...on all the lgiths...it was sure fun...played until 10.30...muahahahah....it was damn hell of a fun...sigh,class starting 2 more days....better rest for a while then hit straight to the books....chow

Hmmmm....backstabbers????

2006-05-04T15:52:00.000+10:00

IS been a while since i blog...quite lazy and kinda busy..this currently week got 3 mid semester...econs 40% which was yesterday and tomorrow there is 2...it sucks...somemore is stats...which in my opinion is a foreign language already...and accounting....gotta study...well i think there goes my good night sleep tonight..Sigh,i hate uni life...when you're free.you are so freaking free but when is busy...is endless work for you..Somemore,i think i had enough of malaysia hall...is a f*cking backstabbers place...which lead to two f*cking idiot...I hate malaysia hall now and probably move some where next year or even move to anu...those are my options...hmmm...living in sydney is allright so far because the good friends i made who is mukmin and some chinese guys...is it worth leaving sydney??Hmmm...probably yeah,cause my best friend here which is mukmin...is leaving this year...next year...got none...it sucks sometimes...but i dont understand is why wanna talk behind you...is really sucks big time...hate these kinda people...somemore i realise something that these 2 people is typically malay or damn proud being malay...The perfect malay who is in malaysia taking leading country to the drain...Yup,Malay SUCKS...chinese is better race than malay...If chinese were given the same priority as malay....Malaysia would be a better country now than it is...I would never understand why malay have these attitude.With these malay,malaysia would never go far....even Mahathir said that..."Melayu mudah lupa..Wats up with that...thats y he resigned...he tried so many times to destroy bumiputra specialities...but still fail....This malay will never learn...Sigh,there will lead to one conclusion...I THINK I WILL MIGRATE TO AUSTRALIA CAUSE I CANT STAND TO SEE THE COUNTRY THAT I LOVE SO MUCH GOING DOWN TO THE DRAIN RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES because of my own freaking race....

All i want is to relive my moment

2006-04-23T20:34:00.001+10:00

Sigh,damn lot work to do....Sigh,my freaking assingment havent done yet...aiyaiyai...somemore web design...damn hussle man....fuck,i regret taking this subject sometimes...sigh....anyway,just now,went friednster(like usual)..hehe....then i saw a friend of mine profile...and realise,my god,havent talk to him dman long time...somemore he is in nz...far away...i just really missing him man....all his jokes...can just swipe all the sadness away from ur face...i really do...when thinking abt him,is just remind me in kdu life...even more sadness occur...i had fun...i seriously did and meet a lot of my true friedns who prove to me before that they will be there when u're up and down...sigh,i wish i could relive kdu moments...those were my best year in my whole freaking life....I miss them so much....i miss being in ms leena class where u can just laugh everytime especially when she refers to munzir face...argh...sigh....

P:S I know that this blog sounds familiar but still,i just need to let it out sometmies

All i want is to relive my moment

2006-04-23T20:34:00.000+10:00

Presenting to you....a future great goalkeeper...

2006-04-19T11:24:00.000+10:00

Hahahaha.....im good,im great...lol...nah,im just average....lol...anyway the stories is like this...all this while,i have been a goalkeeper for futsal only...they think that im good cause im big..well,yeah but still...there is more to offer...anyway,after erm....10 years..i have decided to try out to become goalkeeper again in the big field..last time i did was when i was 9 years old..and i suck big time...but try out yesterday and guess what im good at it...diving here and diving there....wow...feels like im on top of the world...lol...but got some weaknesses..i cant catch properly with the ball and i cant dive towards my left...yesterday i slide the ball....lol...well.dont know whether im good or my friends giving chances to me..not quite sure but all i know is that i will do all my best to become a good goalkeepr in real field and to represent uni syd in near future and maybe even new soult wales in maska games..so cehck for any updates on the good goalkeeper...lol...

People's changed...You just need to accept the way they are...

2006-04-18T10:19:00.000+10:00

Well,i found out recently that i am damnn freaking lazy to blog....No point in wriitting some stuff somehow...Just feel so sad and so helpless...read it back kinda im like a BIG LOSER in the forehead...Sigh,anyway,what i found out doesnt trill me...instead kinda disappointing...not only one but few people back in msia has changed...Is just pisses me off that im not there to know wats in bloody hell happening..at once period we were like bros over ho's(means best friend instead of chicks) but now things changed...I dont know whether is because of gf or what...but frankly i dont even care..the things is just be your ownself...tak payah nak changed character even though you have a gf...I dont care whehter you abadon me or what...cause i dont even care...but the thing is that you have totaly changed and i dont even like a single sel in that body of urs...like you have changed to someone not like you...you are not the same guy who i knew long time ago and to say that is you like that,then im sorry...i dont even know you anymore...the thing is that i reliase it before i left to australia but i never thought that it would be that serious but sigh....the thing is still,why do you have to changed?all i want is answer man...it serriously sux 100%...what they say is true after all....peoples changed when you are not around...especially ur close ones..I dont wanna to lose the friendship but still i cant pretend that nothing has changed...ive guess that you just need to accept that things changed and the way they are..

Dang......

2006-04-11T21:05:00.000+10:00

A lot of work...there is so little time....sigh....got 3 readings and summary need to be done before thirsday...shit...oh ya,before i forget,I GOT THE HIGHEST FOR ACCOUNTING IN THE WHOLE COMMERCE STREAM....WHICH MEANS IM NUMBER 1 OUT OF 12THOUSAND+...wow,im surpised...wow,im feeling great....

Residents day'06

2006-04-08T22:46:00.000+10:00

Hey blog....What a day....Wat a freaking tiring day....Well,dont think a lot of people know that today was the residents day in msia hall...even our own residetns themselves doesnt know about it...Sad isnt it...Anyway this even actually have taken a lot of my time to be frank....was a lot of preparations....cause i was the ajk....so is kinda fun like discuss and metting stuff...cause it was my first time...muahahaha...sad right???Anyway woke up damn early...to book the place....got bbq mah...so pagi2 buta jalan ke padang...haha...then,do some stuff....prepare the place...was the referee for 4 games..it was fun...but at least i played one last game which is was dodge baloon....it was serious fun man....but the sad thing is that most of my teammates went out cause out of boundaries...sigh,but i didnt go out although im the easiest target cause my reaction is fun...i did it all...the sidestep,dive,sit down,mengelak dr kena muka...gila man...it was fun...We were supposed to have ajk versus the winner but some idiot started to trow baloons eveywhere and it started all....all the kids...sigh....kesian man.....Then was the bbq...yeah,here come the lamb man...yummy....sedap....then got bla,bla,bla...lazy to blog abt it....sigh....chow

Uni's life....

2006-04-04T20:00:00.000+10:00

Hey blog...is been a while.....anyway sigh,im tired of uni life di....it kinda sux man...tired of walking half an hour to uni....tired of going to class and become bored...tired of going to statistic and doesnt understand a freaking thing...tired of doing tutorials....tired of seeing microeconomics tutor.....im SICK AND TIRED OF UNIVERSITY LIFE....Argh!!!!!!!!!!! Wish i can do something abt it....but the good news is holidays coming...yeah!!!at least can relax for a while...who syas uni life is ralxing..yeah is realx if u dont care anything abt it...you have the freedorm not going to lectures....well,hehe....nah,never done it....always think how much per hour that my dad pays....is just scaring the hell out of me....but fall alseep...yes!!!!in econs and accounts....too boring....is all like yada...yada...yada...yada.....Is just boring....well....at least lepaking with friends is cool....well,didnt tell you abt mukmin yet...he is 3 years older and he plays winning eleven and he is good at it....my standard...yeah!!!Bring it on...He is kinda like my older brother like i never had u noe...is always cool to have it....every wednesday night lepak at his house....is damn cool cause it pets apartment and is damn luxious....wow....speechless and i get to stay there for a day...damn nice....anyway...wat else...erm....nothing i guess....well,thats all for today....chow

It pisses me off.........

2006-03-27T12:43:00.000+11:00

Well,the things that i discover yesterday kinda ticking me off....Well,you see,i saw a video regarding abt the 9/11...and guess wat,it was their own people who did it...there were so many prove that it wasnt a terrorist attack...it wasnt even hijack plan...it wasnt a commercial plan...all it was a military aeroplane by the us goverment....is really sickenig me out....i dont know what was the tittle but go check it out and united state is a bastard country after all....even monre bastard than they were....sigh....we should do something abt it.....and why the hell should i care....cause it involves millions of people...and they were innocent people...

My confession.....

2006-03-23T08:58:00.000+11:00

*Gasp*....People will wonder who the hell fuzzy confess to....who dia minat...Siapa???Lolz...im not interested in anyone....HEhehe....But my confession is that i miss the feeling....The feeling that i experienced when i have feelings for someone or in that case jason was referring to love...Either way,i really miss those feelings...not to any particular person,but is the feeling of thinking someone,caring for her,feeling sad for some parcticula reason and the happyness when the person smiles back at you...is undescrible...it just was wow...fantastic....is like somehow ur life depends on someone...ur happyness and sadness at her hands....seeing her makes you feel happy...seeing her suddenly you feels like the whole world smiles back at you....Sigh,i really miss those moments...NOT for any reason that i like someone or watever....but i seriously dont see any particular person that i thought i will heads over heels for her...i was like yeah,she is nice...but none of those feelings is pure.....is all crushes feels...i dont even think is crush...lower than that....

What make me feels that way suddenly????Seeing ivan and wafi chasing for someone....Im kinda jealous because they havefound someone that they love and me none yet anyway,i wish them all good luck and hope that they both got wat they hope for....And for another reason....i have been listening to this song which is bic runga-sway...is all lovely dovely...sigh,im envy man....I noe im not good looking or anything but is not abt me,i need to like someone first which i dotn ahve anyone currently...miss kdu moments..lol...anyway go lsten to this song ah....here is the lyrics...wanna do my tutorials di...bubye

Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I should be much to smart for this
You know it gets the better
Of me sometimes
When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drown
Let me down
I say its all because of you and here I go
Losing my control
I'm practising your name
So I can say it to your face it doesn't seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed its time
Tell you why
I say its infinately true
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten
Every afternoon
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
Its all because of you
Its all because of you

I'm loving it....

2006-03-18T11:36:00.000+11:00

I had one of the best day yesterday...I really love my class man...Well,is because first,i had tutorial for stats...So there is a method to calculate it...I learn it in Kdu,so i was like,kacang putih man...Then,met a guy from msia...Yea,so now at least have one company...then there is sammy where she is in my class...so kinda lepak dengan dia during the class....Then had infromation system..the subject was dry but the tutorial is happening man...the tutor is from msia...wow,waht a luck and all the people in my class is super friendly...not like others where i try to have friends but they asnwer like one word..but that class,we all keep talking man....really,really happening...it reminds me back in kdu days.....sigh,wish i could relive the kdu days...ups and downs...happyness and sadness....enjoyment and disappoinment....is will just now be a distant memory...no matter how hard we try,it will never be the same....and that still saddens me....but hey,is time to move on...we went on our seperate ways,and hope ki ta ada rezeki lagi untik berjumpa di masa depan....till that time comes,take good care guys and good luck in studies...

You know when you having a bad day when

2006-03-16T20:27:00.000+11:00

1. When you woke up early like 7 am and reaslise that ur class is only starting at 10'clock
2.Then,you had breakfast and ready for class and ready for bvs at 9 but then had stomochache....
3.Then,go out and saw that the bus you were suppose in...so close yet so far...sigh
4.Wait for the next bus which is 15 minutes later but never come....The bus came at 9.40 when the class is at 10.....the journey takes half an hour
5.Arrive at raliway squre which is 15 minutes away from my uni syd at 10.05....so decide to take bus which is 5 minutes by bus....but then waited for 10 minutes but the bus never come....sigh...
6.Decided to walk and by half way saw the bus...
7.was late for the class byhalf and hour
8.Hate my econs tutor,a bastard....says if wanna asnwer question raise up ur hand....when other people asnwer...they didnt raise up ur hand....argh wat a bastard...

My Journey in life.....

2006-03-11T08:32:00.000+11:00

Heys blog...is been a while....Been busy cause uni started...how was it?It was ok....anyway on the first day of uni i was lost and couldnt atend accounts lecturer due to that...shit man...i was freaking lost in the city for 2 hours...and ask people but they still dont know...shit...there goes my frist lecture....anyway...it looks like here you can just skip lecuteres and just attend the tutorials....speaking of tutorials...i had mine yesterday..was kinda cool..met with andrew,sammy and kayagka...damn weird name....kayangka is kinda er...you noe wat im going to say....but too bad,she has someone di..lolz...macam aku ni boleh pikat mat saleh pulak...haha....anyway,wat else...oh ya,my freaking information system is fu*king boring man.....too boring...sigh...someohow this day kinda lasy to update my blog....maybe i only update to expres my feelings...kinda peaceful these days...anyway wanna get ready cause got bbq afterwards..muahahaha....bubye