Missing home more than ever

Im in uni now. Too bored thus feels like updating my blog. Lol. How desperate i could be? Anyway, I feel like crap now. Missing home than ever. With friends i felt belong the most. Laughing at all those lame jokes made by gl and shashi, playing big 2 with them at al-safar, playing poker at gl's house, those good ol session. God, i miss them a lot. Well, the main reason why im feeling this way cuz I thought im gonna hang in uni with my friends thus bringing my friend's text book as well. Instead, im stuck with 3 people who i dont even know, calling and messaging my friend but still no reply, wondering where the hell she is. Then she appear with some other friends and just pick up the books and left just like that. Sometimes, i felt im too kind. Could have just asked her to come by place to pick up but i thought we could hang while passing the book to her. Instead, im stuck alone with the people that i dont even know. Sometimes, people really knows how to take advantage of you or maybe im just being to nice. Urgh.

she used to be the sweetest girl

First of all, my previous post, i deleted not because of any controversy or anything. I realised that it was so poor written. It was so long winded and couldn't point out what I'm trying to say. When i have time, i would re-write it so that i could point out my points.


Anyways, I've been back for a while now. A week plus. Shifted places. Time consuming man. Plus, a lot of stuff are missing. WTF? Damn, dont know where the stuff went to. Sigh. Got to buy new stuff. The worse was my uni bag that went missing with my pencil case as well. Tertinggal kat malaysia. Never thought i brought it back. Wonder why. Thought i put in those box. Sigh, now got to wait for my mum to post it back. THe worse was is that i lost my clothes. I used to have damn a lot but now is damn little. Too many winter jackets. Damn. Sigh. Anyways, now im settling in. Everything is alright but one thing is i still miss home. Malaysia. ITS too hard staying here!!! LOL

Since i got back, i meet my old friends and the person i last wanted to see. You know who...LOL...gosh, she has changed a lot. From the person that i knew, she has totally completely changed 100%. She now those Gothic chicks that you see on the streets. Everything black. Black lipstick, black clothes black eyelashes, every thing's black. Plus, she smokes now. Not against smoking anything * pointing finger at gan leong* but still i don't really like smokers. The thing is, seeing her reminds me of what i could have been. I totally got it the reason why she has changed. Simple, she got no one to turn to. When i was drown in sadness, i had my best friends to help me to stand and slowly pick up those millions of shattered pieces of broken heart. They would show the way and guide me there. She, she had no one. She is lost all by her own. Thus, the reasons to pick up smoking, dress the way she is, became wilder and colder. I could have became like her. During those killing moments, i felt like drinking, smoking and everything to erase the painful feeling that been stabbing me deep inside. But, i was strong enough and i had enough supports. It is just painful sad to see her the way she became. And I, felt partially responsible. Just don't know why. But then again, it was her fault chasing out people who cared for her the most. I know its not my fault or could do anything, but i still wonder, would i make a big difference? What if things were different back then? IF, IF, IF, if is a mysterious word isn't it? At the end of the day, the IF's hurts me the most.