Another rejection

Its been a while since i blog. Not surprised to be honest. Couldnt be bothered. Aih. A lot of things had happen since then. Lets start off with relationship shall we? Hmm, well i realised i havent moved on around week 12ish. I realised by the fact that I keep seeking her attention and if i dont,ill get upset. Its selfish,I noe but thats just how it is. I tried hard not to affect me, tried to move on cuz its not fair for her. We're closed friends and most of the time, it would lead to rejection. So why would I be pondering on, hoping and dreaming to hold her close, to have her around my arms,to be there for her happiness or sadness,for me to be happy for once. I just cant find happiness now. The thing is, we could never work out. Its sad but its true. She would never see the way i see her. She would always see me as her brother. Everyone does. It is just suck. Anyways, she did find out about my feelings and things did screwed up for a bit. We talked abt it, to clear things up. Yeap, we're still friends. To be honest, it did kills me. How could you not when you could know that you could bring her happiness, you could give everything that she ever wanted but u cant. She deserves a great guy, someone who is better than me. Who are you trying to kid. She was out of my league from day one. Jason knows it. The thing is I really wanted her. No one could ever want her more than I ever wanted. Im willing to swim 7 seas if that what it takes to get her. I would have stayed back in sydney, just for her. But it could never happen. Why i must keep falling the wrong one? Argh!! I really really like her, she has everything that i want. She is a perfect gf. And its kills me by not having her. She was the best before all the girls that I liked. And now, the worse part is yet to come. The fact that she is going to be in someone else guy's arm, would kill me. Its hard for me to move on, but i have to. I wish i was somebody else sometimes.