I guess its really over.

I should be studying right now but i cant really be bothered to. Last paper, last paper dammit. My future lies here, right now, will all the hopes and dreams. Its like with o.5 seconds left, 2 points down, i make a 3 pointer right at the buzzer. Its every moment dream moment. Here, with 0.5 when i made a 3 pointer shoot, would it enter? Will all the dreams that lies right in front of be would be realised? Or miss and all hopes are dashed as everything else since right beginning of my life. I could have practiced more making 3 pointer thus its essential. Here i am, cant be bothered just because of some stupid things. Its keep my mind of things. I realised this occur during the mid semester of this subject and now the final i cant even concerntrate as well? Wtf man. I did alright but i could have gotten a Disntintion for it. But i wasnt at my 100%. When would i be able to be at 100%? So what if im distacted or what not. Good and proffesioanal people could do it despite of all the problems. God damn it, when will i be mature enough? Huh, its over so? Get over it. So what? So what huh? SO WHAT? Why should i be down and out? I know the truth and so many others. I could do much better but why it still god damn hurts? I just cant bare it. All i need is time i guess but time is not that somehting that have right now. I do have time after tomorrow but not now. Not now. Im just expressing whatever im feeling right now to make me feel much better and for me to study. Dont worry much friends, =)

and im picking up the pieces all these putting my heart back together, cuz im over you

If i stayed, I only be in your way....

All of the days, out of all of the moments, why must it be now? Huh? Ive spent the whole day with you, knowing well that hey, I'm getting somewhere here. Slowly, I would begin accept the friends zone. I was being comfortable with being just friends. Slowly. But, why this shit must happen now? I knew it would happen after exams,but at least I have time to be able to accept 100%. I could run away, being with my best friends, enjoying the time of our lives. I will not think of us at all. I will not get hurt by seeing you with him, holding hands, cuddling or whatsoever. Know, those thoughts are just keep rambling in my mind every single time. Whenever im about to go to sleep, showering or even eating. For me to run away from reality is for me to study. Thats the only thing that keep my mind of things. Ive got no one else to turn to now. I cant express the feeling that im feeling to anyone. All my best friends are having exams and its pretty selfish to ask them to spent some extra time talking to me. Comforting me or whatsoever.

It sucks big time. Me falling for her. Its been wrong for me right from the start. I didnt pursue it in the first place,so why should I be feeling this way? I only wish that I was pure ABC, born here, stayed here, then I might have a shot. I knew it. That is what killing me the most. You know if only this would happen, she would be in your hands right now. But im not. You were a above me right from the start. I wished I would have never fall for you. Life would be easier than that.

There is only one thing left for me. Time for me to leave slowly. I cant see them together right now. I know, if i stayed, i would be only be your way. So i'll go, but I know i think of you every step the way. Bittersweet memories, is only what im taking with me. I had a few good memories with you. The night where we just talked till in the morning, the talked we had outside the lecturers room, the talked we had when we were in the library, the night of your bday. The talked we had about us. The night where you cried just because of me. Those were the sweetest memories. I was touched. I appreciated it. For once, i felt as though, i was being appreciated so much. No one ever cried because of me. I know that I mean a lot to you. But I cant stay. I would only be hurting you or even myself. So please dont cry like you did last time. Its only hurting the both of us. So please understand. Please.

I hope life treat you kind and i hope that you have all you dreamed of. You deserved it. You were always ambitious, nice, kind and a model person of anyone. You were the one that above all of this before. You deserved a great guy. I wish you joy and happiness and above all of this, I wished you love. You just deserved it. Its a pity that we could never work out. Its been great, but fate has other plans for me.

Another rejection

Its been a while since i blog. Not surprised to be honest. Couldnt be bothered. Aih. A lot of things had happen since then. Lets start off with relationship shall we? Hmm, well i realised i havent moved on around week 12ish. I realised by the fact that I keep seeking her attention and if i dont,ill get upset. Its selfish,I noe but thats just how it is. I tried hard not to affect me, tried to move on cuz its not fair for her. We're closed friends and most of the time, it would lead to rejection. So why would I be pondering on, hoping and dreaming to hold her close, to have her around my arms,to be there for her happiness or sadness,for me to be happy for once. I just cant find happiness now. The thing is, we could never work out. Its sad but its true. She would never see the way i see her. She would always see me as her brother. Everyone does. It is just suck. Anyways, she did find out about my feelings and things did screwed up for a bit. We talked abt it, to clear things up. Yeap, we're still friends. To be honest, it did kills me. How could you not when you could know that you could bring her happiness, you could give everything that she ever wanted but u cant. She deserves a great guy, someone who is better than me. Who are you trying to kid. She was out of my league from day one. Jason knows it. The thing is I really wanted her. No one could ever want her more than I ever wanted. Im willing to swim 7 seas if that what it takes to get her. I would have stayed back in sydney, just for her. But it could never happen. Why i must keep falling the wrong one? Argh!! I really really like her, she has everything that i want. She is a perfect gf. And its kills me by not having her. She was the best before all the girls that I liked. And now, the worse part is yet to come. The fact that she is going to be in someone else guy's arm, would kill me. Its hard for me to move on, but i have to. I wish i was somebody else sometimes.