An emotional morning

Everyone is an explorer. How could you possibly live your life looking at a door and not open it? --Robert D. Ballard

Life is not great at the moment. A lot of things are in my mind right now. A death of someone closed, screwed up for both exam and falling for someone even though no matter how hard you try not to. Have you ever felt like, you knew better, and your brains sees the logic but another part of you says another? I was doing well before this happens. I had like finance exam and i got 24 out of 30 for that. 80%, nice work man. But, everything just blew up like a volcano. One thing leads to another. 1st was the feelings which made me felt uneasy. Then, there was the exam which I studied HARD for it. I screwed it up just because of one reason. I just didnt read the question careful enough. Argh, careless idiot. Thankfully, its only 15% and i know i wont fail it, but just consider the amount i put in it, I at least deserve a D for it, AT LEAST. THen there was the 5% quiz which i did it simply cuz the fact that I couldnt care less. I got 2%. Failing grade. Sigh, i admitted that I underestimate this quiz plus i wasnt careful enough. After that, i heard someone close to me past away. Omg, im a at the age where death suppose to be a common thing? Am I? Im not ready to face those emotions right now. I have just got too many things for me to do. I want to do well in final year, but so many things are happening right now. I tried hard to shut it down, focus for studies, and i managed to do so. But i know im not at my 100%. Im just only 70%

I Just feel like screaming...I hate this. I knew better thus thats why im doing this and maybe the reason im feeling this way is because im letting it go. A part of me is happy but a small part of me isnt. One goal and one goal only. To get through uni and do well in it. Come on. I can do it. And yet at the same time, pondering what could happen....