The grass will always be greener on this side.

For 2 years, ive been suffering. 2 years. 2 god damn long years. Regretting that i went to University of Sydney and not Australia National University. I regret for not going with my instinct which keep telling me that my destiny is in ANU. Instead, i went with other people's instinct which was most of it from my dad forcing as he has the resources thus control over my future. He says that you wont be learning anything if u go to anu. You'll be in your comfort zone. I'll just would be depending on them. With a heavy heart i went to sydney. One of the top rated places in the world. Entering a uni top 25 in the whole world.

For 2 years, i hated uni. For 2 years I hated every bit. For 2 years I had no one that was closed to me like wafi and hana. People to hang out with. People to share my sadness and joy with. I never ate alone in kdu and which turn out to be a daily routine in my uni life. How much change it has been. From to one of the most out going person in the group to someone that people barely know. I have been pull to a lower level. I felt lonely. I felt as though i had no one around me even though there are tons of people. I was devastated even more when i realise that anu the place that i wanted to go was even friendlier environment. I like it there. I love it there. I regret not going to anu as there is a lot of nice people there that i could click with instead of none in sydney.

For 2 years, after 2 years, 2 long years, after a heartbreak, friends turn back on me, I chased out my own housemate, argued with a lot of people, involve with a girl whose was pregnant by my own friend, i finally can say, i finally,finally finally can say, Im happy. I am. I finally found a group where i can hang around with. Where i felt im closest. I tell you honestly, it isnt easy to be where i am now. But, i did it, getting out of my comfort zone and be where i am suppose to be. I finally has a sense of belonging. Thanks to people who made my life where i am now. Im finally at the place where i am suppose to be.

Hey dad, look at me, did i grow up according to plan?

I havent really blog regarding my birthday. Well, it was sad since was busy with assignments and uni stuff. I did at one point get really really really tired of uni. Just felt like take the books and burn. But, of course i didnt. Anyway, i had my 20th. So what have i done in this 2 decades of my life. I realsie there isnt anything that my parents could be proud of me. I just dont know. Im not the most talented student, not a very good sportsman, i cant sing and what not. Its even more frustrating that i have this ability but i dont maximise it. I know i have a gift. A gift from my parents. I know im smart. I do. I am. But, somehow it just doesnt know. I know it requries hardwork as well but i am and it just doesnt show. Im at a point where i could say i gave up. Im just going with the flow. Work hard and if doesnt produce result then too bad. Maybe i am not cut out for acedemic.

But, it really really hurts when you disappointed your dad. Im not literally but i know he expects more from me. Im not perfect and i could see his other friends children doing well in studies and i am just average. It just kills me. Where did i go wrong? Did i grow up as plan? I know he expects me to be like himself. He sees me as himself , younger version. I remember that he said, roy, you are like me. You are going to be a somebody but promise me you work hard k? He told me when i was a kid. Even more, i look up to my dad and told my teacher that I want to be exactly like him. A professor. As smart as him, as funny as him basically his my hero. And I tried hard to make it and try to make you proud of me but a quarter of my life has gone, ive done nothing that my dad could be proud of. It just kills me. It just does. Even worse, i didnt know exactly when im not close to him anymore. Maybe i grew up. Who knows.

Perfect-I'm sorry I cant be perfect, i just try to make you proud