Am i good enough?

Having received mid semester marks, it just made me depressed. One subject i just pass and another i received 66 over 100. The average was 72. Now it really made me think, where did i go wrong? Ive studied constantly and understood theory but still there isnt any results. I told myself study harder. It is second year and second sem subjects. Nothing comes easy. Now, i dont even know how to study. What made me feel worse than I already did was having friends who went for the big 4 company interview for summer internship, macquire bank as finance internship, Cimb bank which is all leading banks for finance industry in Australia. I feet inferior to them and seriously wondering where did I go wrong? It just kills me as all my friends were all nervous regarding the interview etc, and Im just worrying regarding where am i going to spent my holidays and how to finish my assignments. It really made me think, am I not good enough? My results are obviously extremely inferior compare them but over the long semester, ive seem to be better. Is like I always explain to them during classes and stuff like that, but at the end of the day, I didnt get the marks. I just feel plain dumb. Maybe I am not good enough for Australia here? Now,working here on a permanent basis can just be a dream. I'm not good. Just face it. Why do they wanna hire me when they could have a well-rounded person like them. I really felt inferior first time in my life and what worse was I was suppose to be like them. I was suppose to be in the same league as them. I really really regret all the time wasting i spent when i was in first years. Bah,you idiot. Now, working hard as well doenst seem to pay off. Has it been too late? I think so. But, now just aim to be the best that i can. At the end of the day, I know that I have advantage in Malaysia and Im good enough, but im just a big fish in a small pond. Come to Australia, im just a small fish in a ocean where there are sharks and what not. Ive became the food for the upper food chain.

Im supposed to do my assignments but this is too good to turn down

(taken by Wharton Academic Journal)

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Its just about the way you look tonight

Looking across the opera house on a saturday night, something made me realise. That, by this time next year, i would have nearly finished my degree. And would go back for good. The place where ive grown a lot to become a more mature and independent person. Its weird how it all began and how my life has become in living a place called sydney. One of the most trademark place in the world.

I felt it was like yesterday when i first left to australia and leave my dear friends back home. Although i went with my sister, the first night i was alone. And man, i hated it. I hated sydney alot at first. No friends, and was alone. I was in couple of weeks in uni and it was the same. But things get better after that. And now, looking back all the steps that i took, and standing where i am right now, i could say that im proud of what i became. Not uni results wise. Most my friends are local now. Its fun hanging out with them and thinking i wont be spending time them anymore. Oh well, life goes on. I have complained that sydney was overrated and stuff like that, but thinking back, i made a correct decision. Even though there were better places, im still happy that i was in sydney. on the contary , coming back on the 26th nov...yeah

What do i got to do?

All my life, i have never won anything before. Played in finals yes. Erm, let see. Standard one, got a silver, so does standard 2 and standard 3. Well, those sports were running in some competition. You know, kids stuff. Standard 4 i was in finals in tug of war and lost. The thing was, when we were in a group stages, we beat them and somehow when the thing matters most, we lost. Everyear goes the same way. We keep on losing in the final. Sigh. Then i hope luck changes when im in high school. It didnt. Lost in basketball final when i was form 3, infact, i miss the last basket to tie. It would have been dramatic. Then tug of war again, lost in finals. Aih, then i entered handball. We entered final and again, we lose. Man, it was tight though. Then the winning eleven competition, even though getting second was good, but still i should have won.

Then in uni. I have never won anything. I became 2nd, 3rd and there is few times we didnt even get through gropu stages.And luck wasnt on my side today again. Well, we had competition university of Sydney open. We pass group stages easily but i was quite nervous as there this one match where i was playing agaisnt my friends which won in melbourne last winter. But thank god, made few decent saves and concede last minute. Should have won but aih, last goal couldnt do anything abt it. Then went on quarters, won easily to be honest. 8-1. Last goal i didnt concede as i was resting since we were well lead. But semis was a close one. It was just touch and go. Lost in penalty. Is just sad to see the ball hit post and i should have save one. Its just slip right through my hand. Argh, should have done better. From there onwards, i didnt really care cause we lost. We end up in 3rd. Last match wasnt any point at all.

Actually, if you realise, all the competition that i entered it wasnt anything regarding football until when im in uni. Well, to be honest, i suck playing soccer last time. Was playing last man and was just average. I started become better or became a star when i became keeper. Hehe, i started when i was in sierramas i guess. And from there on, it was just a uphill. I played decent when i started futsal with my peeps back home. But, i really improved when im in sydney. Well, i have to thank my team-mates cause they had improved me a lot. But still, i dont know what do i got to do just to win a tonourment. I just dont have the luck i guess....