Cool jokes

Dr. Phil was conducting a therapy
session with
four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he said.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed
with eating, you've even named your daughter
Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is
with money. Again, it manifests itself in your
child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third mom. "Your obsession is
alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child's
name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her
little boy by the hand and whispers, " Come on
Dick, we're leaving."
_________________

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school
again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing
football and
the game went into extra time.

====================

A philosopher, a scientist and an idiot,
were in a
car accident. They
found themselves standing before the pearly gates.
Both St. Peter and the
Devil were waiting.

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Because Heaven
is too overcrowded, St.
Peter is limiting the number of people entering
Heaven. If you can ask me
a question which I cannot answer, then you're
worthy enough to go to
Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."

The philosopher stepped up, "OK, give me the
most comprehensive report on
Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a
full volume appeared.
The philosopher read it and agreed it was flawless.
"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger,
the philosopher
disappeared.

The scientist was next, "Give me the complete
Black Hole theory explained
in the simplest way that even a child can
understand !" With a snap of his
finger, a computer monitor appeared. The scientist
read what was on the
screen and reluctantly agreed it was perfect.
"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger,
the scientist
disappeared, too.

Now its the idiot. He said, "Bring me a chair!"
The Devil brought forward a chair.
"Drill 7 holes on the seat."
The Devil did just that.
The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very
loud fart.
Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart
come out from?"

The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third
hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole."
And you don't need a philosopher or a scientist to
tell you where the
idiot went.